Because, WHO doesn't love a PARADE!?!

Honestly....how did it get to be December!?!  It seems only yesterday I was sitting al fresco with the Rivells, complaining how only skinny people can enjoy summer because they don't have to wear SPANX under their sundresses. And now, here I am; layered and chapped.  When it's summer I whine for winter and when it's winter I whine for a disposable income so I can go to Puerto Valliarta for a week.  

Everyone's been asking me how I am dealing with the closing of KISS ME KATE.  I'm fine......

Don't get me wrong, I'm sad but I'm not curled up in a ball in the basement humming, "Another Openin' ".....it was such a wonderful experience, but I was EXHAUSTED!  I'm still exhausted.   It was the first time I've ever played a real lead character who was onstage consistently and had 3 very difficult, belt-a-licious songs.  And I am so proud to say I did it alongside an EXTREMELY seasoned and talented cast , especially my 3 fellow principal actors who were the best of the best. I was...I am, SO lucky.  But again, it was VERY difficult and I looked forward to (every night) the end of "Always True To You" every night. Not only in the hopes that I would give people their moneys worth and they would see that I truely love what I do, but also ....because I just couldn't wait for my work to be done :)  I had a degree of paralyzing fear inside of me every single performance until that last song was over, but ( I believe) every night I did it. And I pulled it off.  And the pride I take with me from that is immeasurable.  I'll never forget it.  

Everyone's also asking me, "What's next for you?" .....well I don't know about that.  I finally seem to have found the drive and the courage to put together an "act" for myself. This is something I've been dreaming of for a long time now. I questioned if I was capable, worth watching, old enough ....I mean I questioned everything.  But I am surrounded by love; by a validation and sincerity I've never known.  And there's no more , "Why?" it's only, "Why not?".  So I'm going to make it happen. I've been encouraged to look around, and explore my options where performing goes. And yes, that's the thing to do sometimes and it's wonderful if and when you have many options. At the same token, I like familiarity.  I like to have a "family"...I like the family I've found.  It has been my dream, since I was a kid, to work at the Ritz.  It was the people (many of whom I worked alongside in KISS ME KATE and THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE) who I saw perform at The Ritz, that made me want to perform in the first place.  So when I walk through the door (or fall down the stairs) at The Ritz and people know my voice when I call out to them, and Bruce gives me a hug and I get to hold Kim's hand, share a dressing room with Brian, stretch and vocalize onstage....you name it. I'm beside myself.  There's a song in the Yeston/Kopit PHANTOM called "Home" and it says, 

"All my life I've been waiting in my mind in a rocking chair

For my Fancy to take me where I would know the time

...... I would know the place

Skin would tingle and pulse would race as they do..it's here I'm Home

Where Music fills the air and I'm home where a thousand lovers cry , swoon and sigh.....

and If I sing with all my heart, I'll be home"

Well I feel like I'm home. And I'll continue to grow and maybe I'll stretch my wings but I'm also happy and I'm happy without feeling like I've settled. I feel like people don't take me for granted and there's constantly an opportunity to explore all the things I love. Singing, Acting, Comedy, Writing....I feel more and more artistically satisfied. I'm constantly growing, and how wonderful is that?  I was sitting in Nat's dressing room and I said, "you know I know I'll never be an ingenue, I get it..." and Nat looked at me and said, "well who do you think you are? You are the ingenue in this show. No question." ....I almost died. I felt like screaming, "Look Ma! I'm an ingenue!" What a kick!

Moving On...

One of the best things about not being in KISS ME KATE (or any show really) is that you get your life back. But along with this comes the sadness of being away from a cast of people you grow to love.  Not seeing them all, especially B Rivs on a daily basis is trying....the man is my brother, my dad, my bob fosse, the Ike to my Tina......so Saturday the Rivells killed many birds with a stone covered in glitter and mini blueberry muffins.  Yes, it was open house for the Collingswood Holiday Parade.  And although it was a lot for me to wake up at 8am it was well worth it. Bagels, coffee, kids, dogs, life partners and the would-be surrogates who love them, all gathered to enjoy (and make fun of) the Collingswood "elite".  It was glorious. Brian and I ran after tootsie rolls being thrown from children like Jeff Conaway hobbles after oxycotin.  Melissa played papparazzi and I attempted to stand next to one of those weird carney guys with a Monkey.....I just wanted to stand next to him. HE decided to place the monkey on my head.  I rationalized I've experienced worse moments with middle aged men, could a monkey and the arm of a middle aged carney be any worse?  

A car caught on fire.  And we laughed.  I tried to explain to Brian and Paula what 2 Girls 1 Cup is but Emily was hanging on our every word and then announced she'd like to star in , "once on this island"......then Colin sang selections from "The Woman in White" (jk...but he did do a stunning rendition of Too Darn Hot that gave his father a run for the money).

Thanksgiving was fun as usual.  It's always "fun" to be cornered by your mother in the car. 

The good news is that it gave she and I the opportunity to talk...really talk.  She asked me what I had to do Friday...if I would be picking Erica up from the train. I said, "yea after I go visit Brian" (my brian, not b rivs) ...shockingly we both lived through that admission.  And I explained myself...and I couldn't get over how she actually listened to me. She told me the truth but she saw my side, and more importantly she saw our love for one another.  And though I know she's not thrilled (as many aren't) with our decision she is, as I am, cautiously optimistic. And more importantly, supportive.  

I saw Brian on Friday as usual....I almost didn't get in because apparently, "fashion forward" is not a phrase commonly used in the Philadelphia HOC.  I almost wasn't allowed in because my black longsleeved shrug can be considered a coat. But my eyes filled up, my face turned purple, and I said, "I wear this in here ALL the time, it's a SHRUG, not a COAT! I wore a coat, this is a shrug!" ....The male correctional officer, they called in to play Tim Gunn announced I could wear it if I wrapped in around my waist and put my cinch belt over it. When this was all said and done I told him he was brilliant, because in the end, it looked better that way!  I gave Brian a hug and a kiss and he said, "baby, were you crying" and I sat down and told him the heidi klum "auf wiedersein" horror of it all. But we were fine.   We were together.  It was an incredibly short visit compared to the last one...last time, by some miracle we had an entire hour and a half together.  This time it was a half hour , IF that (the warden was over our PDA....seriously, did I just utter that sentence?)  but Brian told me something that meant so much to me.  He gave me the lyrics to "unchained melody" and it's not like I don't know them...it's not like he had them written in sand script...but he just repeated them to me and I heard them and my heart just filled up.  I can't wait to see him tomorrow.

So...

You may have seen me on the CBS 4pm news. I was the crazed Nanny, child in tow , running back and forth behind Meteorologist, Kathy Orr. You call it crazy but that kid got her start in show biz early and when she wins a subscriber's choice, I'll be laughin' all the way to the Manor to buy her her first Nacho's Grande! SUCKAS!  There was also a grown man dressed as an elf who announced this was his 10th year as "Sprinkles" the Elf and I called my mother and said, "this is why I don't try to work full time as an actress, because I don't want to announce to my friends that I'm in my 10th year as "Sequins" the Elf in order to pay my rent during the Holiday Season. 

Stay Tuned

XOXO

JAC

The Pleasure Seekers...

Well where to begin...

The last 3 weeks or however long it's been since I checked in seem to have flown and dragged by simultaneously.  "KISS ME KATE" is over and I assumed life would go back to "normal"...whatever the hell that is.  It would seem though that now there's a whole new level of "production" that's been added to my world and life is going to be anything but.  

To begin with, Peter, or -"a waste of 31 days" as he will now be referred to, is gone. At our last rendezvous- BTW...if you're a family member you may want to skip ahead :)....Peter told me to come over for a glass of wine and to go in his newly fixed hot tub.  Sounded like my first time in a hot tub was a quick shave and a car ride away. I was wrong.

We sat in his kitchen, looking at each other like science experiments, listening to him apologize for his kitchen table being, again, "a shit hole".  We drank some wine then headed out to the hot tub. This was IT! Or so I thought.....

Once we were submerged I thought I was hot shit , having removed my bathing suit under the bubbles.  But 20 minutes later and still no action , I was annoyed and started looking for the jets...I figured somebody had to get off tonight and it damn well better be me.  Peter kept talking about work...the cold he felt coming on, and how he was going to carpet his guest room. When the jet cycle ended I said, "can you get me a plastic bag for my bathing suit , I'm going now".  And so I did and we've not been in contact since. Thank god.  He was sucking the life force from my veins.  That was a Wednesday....2 weeks ago. 

Friday I went to visit Brian in the big house again.  This time I was alone, and we were going to be able to actually see, and touch each other and sit together. And from the moment we hugged...I think we both knew we were, "in trouble" as they say.  We tried to make light of lots of things and of course we had our inside jokes to make us laugh. But everything we had been through in the last 5 years (ironic) was too much and we really couldn't sweep feelings under the rug anymore.  And the pain of the situation...him being all alone and nothing anyone could do; my pain and frustration and all that we had dealt with and come through and somehow ended up beside each other again, it just sucker punched us both.  We sat and Brian held my hand and didn't take his eyes off me, I tried so hard not to look into his eyes and kept looking all around me.  I put my hand on the back of his neck and told him I forgave him for anything and everything and that I loved him and would always be there for him.  He told me he hoped he would always be in my life and when I told him that without him I didn't have a life...he started to cry. We hugged and I said, "Bri I do not know why we're in each other's lives...I don't know in what capacity we're supposed to be in those lives but I know we have to be there for one another.  It's just the way it goes" And he said, "I don't care what capacity , I just need you with me" and I assured him I would always be there. He told me how beautiful I was and we reminisced about the many summers we'd spent together...emails and poems we'd written, funny names we'd called each other. And before we knew it the time we had was up. We hugged and he just buried his face in my neck and just before we pulled away entirely, we kissed for the first time in nearly 4 years. It was quick but special none the less. I walked to one side and he walked to the other and we both looked back at the same time.  

I walked to my car and was crying. I wanted my best friend to be coming back with me.  I was really happy for a half hour that had given me more joy and meaning than much of what I'd experienced with anyone else in the last year, but it still stung so bad to be leaving alone.  

I had the show all weekend...I didn't have the time to be sad.  I felt more and more confident with each performance and we had received and incredible review from The Courier Post. I finally felt like the hard work had paid off....for once performing felt like a job to be taken to heart not just something I did for a weekend for fun.  

It seemed there was more to play out from my ever-present-past......

This is my , "BLIND ITEM" I guess...you guess/ I know.

I know we all move on from things. That's lovely. I'm over it. But what happened to sensitivity in certain situations? More importantly, and to the point.  If it meant so little to you (I'll be 'respectful' and not name names) a mere few months ago to list your relationship status on such a "fickle" little website as facebook...whats the change?  And how lame can you be? It's playing out like quite the mid-life crisis. It just baffles me.  To have been so wrong about someone. To have given him the benefit of the doubt and said, "he's a good guy.." when clearly he's as selfish as anyone I've ever known.  It's just funny....suddenly his past..his "situation" makes perfect sense. I was upset briefly, now all I can do is laugh..and be greatful...because as Al said, "You didn't love him...you didn't really like him that much. You had some good sex and you drank some great liquor. Now lets be done with it". And I am.

I felt so hurt though...and it's an awful thing to wanna talk to your best friend and all you can do is write a damn letter....I feel like little house on the prairie.  I desperately needed a letter from Brian...just something to know that the person I loved was out there. But there was nothing. Wednesday I had work and then we had our final Wednesday performance of "...KATE"...I was over it. I had been writing to Brian all day, just how I felt, even though it was silly to do this since I would be seeing him in 2 days.  The people I work for were awesome and got home a little early so I could get to the theatre with some time to spare. I did. I did my make up, set my hair, began to put on all of my stuff and realized, "SHIT BALLS I HAVE NO GARTER" It was at home...or so I thought. My Mom was coming to the show with Ron, I had 40 minutes til curtain, to say I was stressed was the understatement of the century. I raced home in my death box of a car and flew through our front door trying not to stop.  But there on our kitchen table was a letter with a huge heart drawn on it....It was from Brian and I lost it.  I didn't even have time to breath let alone read the one thing I needed to ease my mind. To top it all off the damn garter was missing.  I grabbed tights, thigh highs, anything I could find that I could make do with once I got back to the theatre.

Thankfully, once I got home, my "team"...Stephen, Erika, Erienne, Cait, Michelle and Nicole....everyone! Was ready, and willing to help me. I didn't even have to lift a finger. I just stood there and in 5 minutes, my mic was taped, my shoes were buckled, my hair was done and it was, "places". I read my letter and was momentarily annoyed that Brian hadn't written something "poignant" enough for me. I sang my first song and came off to change into my Elizabethan costume. I noticed the envelope had a hidden quote along where it was sealed, "I cannot go to the ocean, I cannot drive the streets at night, I cannot wake up in the morning without you on my mind. Did I make it that she's able to walk right in and out of my life?" I had to hold back tears....as always, I had underestimated our connection. He knew, somehow, what I needed to hear. In an instant I felt calm. 

I decided to join Jaimie and the rest of the world Thursday night to see TWILIGHT. I ordered my tickets and Erica was going to join me after a romantic dinner for two of pizza hut. What else?

We got to the Loews in Cherry Hill and fandango couldn't retrieve my tickets...I asked for assistance from the hobbit working the desk and he asked me to pull up my confirmation on Erica's blackberry. I did and he informed me, "Ma'am...you bought tickets to see the film at Cinemark." Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

We left. Erica was over me. Jaimie was over me. I was over me. The vampires were over me. Then we got home and Erica handed me a box to carry. So I did. Because wives carry boxes.It was raining and I promptly twisted my bad ankle in the driveway. I decided God was telling me to get my ass inside or be struck down by lightening.  I went to bed looking forward to tomorrow because I was going to see Brian again.

I slept in, showered and was on my way! You've never seen someone so excited to go to prison! I felt like Velma Kelly!

I arrived at the detention center and waited to be called only to find out when I was that Brian had been moved next door to the house of corrections which was actually a good thing.

His custody level was down. As I waited in this new place the "ladies" began to swap stories. One such lucious specimen began to inspire us with the story of one of the inmates "bitches" who had recently been detained. She explained, ever so delicately (she only had one front tooth afterall), "WHAT you gonna do if you in here...he ain't gonna come visit you! Ain't nobody comin to bail your ass out now! And ain't nobody gonna write your dumbass a letter and even if he did, he write to me and I would write back...IN RED PEN, 'LOVE DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE....PLAYA"......well...I was on the floor after that. Not only was it the laugh that being in prison waiting to see the man I loved, I truely needed, but I also found the title for my one woman show :)

Brian and I were somehow lucky enough to visit an hour and a half with each other. No one came to get me after my scheduled half hour. We didn't argue, or ask, we just held hands and talked. Constantly reminding the other that we loved each other.  And somehow came to the conclusion that we're just not sure it's all said and done as far as our relationship goes.

I'll close here for now, though clearly there's more to write about with the closing of "...Kate".

Before anyone comes to tell me off about my present choice where Bri and I are concerned. I am not stupid. I am not living in a fantasy. I try to but believe me I've been through too much to be that naive(that's evian spelled backward). I am HOPEFUL. I'd like to think you can end up with your first love or at least write a brilliant song about it, like Jon and Dana did :)

More to come! Enjoy Guru Kim and Miss Jenn :)

STAY TUNED! 

XOXO

JAC

"Carrie Likes a JAZZZZZZZ Man"

OK. KISS ME KATE is over....sadly yet inevitably and though it hurts my heart to leave this complete joy of an experience- the upside, Dear Readers, is now I can update again!

Which is what I plan to do as soon as I return from WHOLE FOODS and Wegmans with Tep. I  am planting myself firmly on my couch with Erica...and anyone else who cares to join, for that matter :)  And I will update you all on the last 2 weeks. WHEW! What MADNESS! To give you some insight...I went to bed at 7am .....ahhhhh what crazy cast parties and Fred's sensual Cosmopolitans can do.  Ok....SO have no fear. An update is on it's way, and a change is gonna come.  Meanwhile...I just "discovered" David Bowie's later musical contributions and I think I'm a little in love with Black Tie White Noise. RANDOM.

Stay Tuned

xoxo

JAC

Holly Golightly- A Mellowdrama

I went to bed at 6:30 this morning.  Don't ask.

But being as it's Saturday and I don't have my show until later...I figured I could sleep in and be just peachy. Around 9am my precious prince of a cat wanted to go out on the porch, as usual. Bless him , he waited longer than he usually does to torture me. So I got up out of bed in my sweatpants, threw a pillow over my boobs, and let him out to our screened in porch.  Now...there is a hole in one of the screens but it's been dutifully covered with a cardboard box and a milk crate. Smart, right? Hmmmmm.

So When I woke up at 1:15pm, the first place I looked...as per usual, was the porch.  It was at this point that my life began to play out in slow motion...I noticed boxes were knocked over. And then I glanced right, and saw the box that blocks the escape route was knocked over and my cat was gone.  Now I know most people love their animals...but I LOVE Franki.  He's my child.  I worry about him constantly. And I'll be the first to acknowledge it's not normal but I will not dignify it as , "unhealthy".  I just happen to really love him and worry greatly about him. I feel like he was traumatized as a kitten and I owe it to him to give him as lovely a life as possible. So anything that compromises that , gives me great anxiety.  

So I go outside, he's GONE. I start hysterical screaming , crying. It's RAINING. And he's a baby. He's very co-dependent....that's why we get along so well.  So...not only is he missing, but he's out in the RAIN and alone, and it's cold ...and there are CARS...it was just too much. I wanted to die.  I'm screaming his name, in sweatpants, barefeet, a Park City Utah tshirt and plent o' zit cream. I'm shaking his bag of food...Im on the phone with my Mother SCREAMING (she, by the way is ready to have me commited). It's just awful. I went to my neighbor's...their child is inept and said , "I see cats walking around all the time"....WELL THANKS, DOUCHE! I left her mid-sentence because I could tell she wasn't getting me anywhere and I was losing valuable search time. Then just as I answer the phone, I'm walking back to my house sobbing, and Franki runs on the porch and I scooped him up and we wept together. Like "Breakfast at Tiffany's".  Now , obviously I'm blogging, and my precious baby is asleep on a soft pillow beside me. 

And he's never going outside again.

Stay Tuned.

XOXOJAC

"Shut Up and Let Me GO"

Honestly....I have every "I'm over it" type song playing on a loop in my brain.

WHY is it...just when you decide you are over something...or someONE rather, there they be!

Tuesday I had officially decided , Barack's in the White House...time for a CHANGE all over.  I decided to be DONE. DONE. DONE, with Peter.  Peter is a doll. VERY nice, has not- for the record- done anything cruel or anything it's just...ehhhhh. "He was the equivalent of a DKNY dress, you know it's not your style but you try it on anyway" ~Carrie Bradshaw.  He's super sweet. We do get along great. But.......I don't feel any longing for him or anything. And this could just be a lack of chemistry or as I've repeatedly stated....it's quite difficult to care for someone if you don't spend enough time together to get to know him.  

Obviously you can guess....Peter and I haven't exactly been spending a ton of time together. Nor do I know that for either of us it's a priority to, though out of the two of us I would say it's more a priority for me and I'm over that.  So Tuesday I made up my mind to be done with it. No hard feelings but if you can't find the time to call me back , I can't find the time to stress over it. So Tuesday came and went and I TRUELY was just completely over it.  And fine. NO harm done. "There is nothing lost".  So I'm onstage last night and I come back to get ready for act two, check on my phone to see that I have a missed call and voicemail....since the only people who call me these days are women, men with life partners, and collection agents, I just assumed it was no biggie.  Check to see: It's Peter.  He left a voicemail saying he was "SO sorry" he hadn't gotten back to me and "PLEASE" accept his apology. BLAH. I called back, no answer and he didn't return my call until today.  Then he came over with lunch and I was too chicken shit to bring up how his bull shit excuses didn't matter to me and if we're not going to communicate then this really isn't worth my time. So I basically contradicted the HELL out of myself with my deafening silence. I am a douche.  But....it's not like we're exclusive. It's not like we're going to the Governor's ball....there's no deadline or anything. I just don't CARE enough to worry. If we hang out again, lovely. If not. I guess I'll have more time to watch re-runs of Designing Women.

I'd like to think I have a lot to offer someone else. But I HARDLY want to offer that to just anyone.  I don't want to spend my time being with just anybody. Monogamy is not a grand ol' time...unless it's  with the absolute right person for you.  Sadly, I would like to spend that time with a person in "the big house"...."but that's another story, nevermind, anyway....."

Anyhoo...on with a recap of my most recent events.

I was Rosie the Riveter for Halloween. Apparently I was confused for the following: Harriet Tubman, Myself, and Bette Midler. Charming.  I happen to think I looked adorable. Bubby Ellen came to see the show with Zadie Roger (these are my ficticious jewish grandparents....well they in fact are real but they're not really my grandparents. I just pretend. Like I pretend I won't die alone.

Ellen loved the show and said I was "tiny" and "skinny" because Grandmothers lie and that's why we love them.  Bubby Ellen was the Ritz's ORIGINAL Lois Lane and I felt so relieved and happy that she loved my performance as much as she did.  It was an honor.  I imagine it's what Stephanie J. Block felt when she met Liza Minelli during "Boy From Oz".

Brian and I decided to hate eachother for about 72hours with a deep lovers quarrel which included screaming, tears, kissing on the CHEEK in Bianca (he says I turned my head, I said he was deliberate) and emails emails emails. We're over it now and have decided to join forces and collectively hate other people. It's funner.

Monday Erica and I piled in the ol Liberal Fast Food Band Wagon to make two stops on a tour f Philadelphia. The first to drop off Alicia's car for a tune up , the second, to visit my ex boyfriend in Jail. One of these things is not like the other......

This was the first time I'd ever been to visit him in jail. Because visiting someone I love in jail is not exactly something I like to make a habit of.  Anyhow.  When you do visit you have to sign in by 4:30 pm. Mind you, inmates get a specific visiting day according to last name. Brians (not Rivell) is Monday. BTW Philadelphia Office of Corrections....I have a life and it's difficult to make , "arrive at prison by 4:30" apart of my list of "to do's " ...thankfully I had off. I picked Erica up from school and off we went to prison. But first, the car.  We got lost trying to find the mechanic for Alicias car , so for the sake of time we decided to give up on dropping of the car for the moment and head towards the jail. But we got lost trying to get there too. At 4:20 I decided we should ask for directions. At the ZOO. The Zoo. Where children's dreams come true. The ZOO where bear cubs nuzzle their mamas and ape's sign , "I love you". The Zoo , where Jaclyn pulled up, rolled down the window and shouted, "Excuse me, HOW DO I GET TO THE PRISON!?!"....thankfully (though im not surprised) someone on staff knew exactly how. 

At 4:32 we arrived in the parking lot. We were at the Prison by 4:40. And the bastards wouldn't let us in. Debate as we may. And cry as I did. They would NOT let us in. It was awful. I kept imagining Brian relying the SOMEONE would be in the visit him and NO ONE showed. I felt awful. Thankfully a nice warden informed us we could come back any day even if it wasn't his assigned day and visit, we just wouldn't have the usual amount of time. So we left feeling a bit better. FINALLY found the car dealership and ate our feelings at a Burger King which seemed to be in full support of Barack Obama. So we felt more justified in eating our feelings.

We got home and packed our bags to head to the shore for the night like your average same sex couple.

Once in Avalon we bought more food at WaWa where a particularly bitter checkout boy named, Jackson who was brewing his own tea in some sort of strange mug had his SUNGLASSES on at 11:30 at night. I told him he resembled Rick Ocasek and he decided to then take out what I believe is YEARS of pent up sexual and emotional frustration out on me and scream "fuck" several times. Poor Jackson. We could've been SO happy together.

We continued to take in the shore breeze and unpacked the jeep soothed by the sounds of the sea...Erica walks in and sets off the alarm.  I would've helped her turn it off but I had already begun to eat my shortie. So instead I asked her if she wanted my pickles.  Once the alarm was disarmed we spooned on the couch with a bag of HERRS and watched an especially supreme episode of INTERVENTION about a charming young girl who resembled Templeton from Charlotte's Web who was huffing on Dust Cleaner.  Erica was disturbed but I loved it.  I also explained to Erica that one day when I have health insurance again I plan to develop some sort of addiction so I can fall apart and go to rehab.  Erica quipped, "but Jac if it was on your insurance it would only be 28 days, "....actually first she told me I was insane, and then the other thing, and I said, "That's fine, its 28 days more than I had to myself."

We finished INTERVENTION, got into a facebook messenger political war with some republican pig I went to high school with, took baths in the jacuzzi, then went to bed.

We woke up early so Erica could vote in Avalon.  I had a war with the old bitties who told me I couldn't wear my "Shalom Obama" and "Women for Obama" pins inside but allowed some Granny with a McCain sticker to stroll around the gym for 20 minutes. Then I VOTED for the first time! It was MAGIC! Then we had eggs at Medford Bagel...then we saw people we knew and had to flee.  And it was on our way to jail we went. 

After waiting for two hours, making friends with women who were there to see , "my babies daddy" and a young angry girl named Jules who kept screaming at me, "Don't let him see you cry he'll; know he got to you" (thanks Jules) we finally got called in to see Brian. I lost my shit several times but considerably so when I discovered Brian was in , "the hole" because he was in a fight and broke his hand, and now we would have to talk through plexi glass like American Gigolo.  I pulled myself together and was so overwhelmed with a beautiful calm and an enduring love to see him. We had a really wonderful visit and I was so happy we went.

OK,I have to go shower and eat because I'm so hyped up on caffeine I can't really type anymore.

And Mom's taking me for dinner because I called and made her feel guilty. Because that's what children do. Maybe tonight Peter will ask me to come over for a glass of wine and to look at eachother and not talk about our feelings. Won't that be fun?!

Stay Tuned

XOXO

JAC 

Happy Days Are Here Again

What an incredible election! What an overwhelming miracle the last 24hours has been!

I said to Nat last night, this is the first time I have truely felt that I did something with my life.  HONESTLY.  It was my first election I voted in and to push that button....it was surreal.

I can remember so clearly sitting with my big sister during the election with Gore.....cheering and hopeful for the future. Then crying and feeling so completely lost watching hope slip away. And since that time...these eight terrifying years, I have never felt safe. Never felt secure. Never felt protected by this "idea" of America....because sadly, for eight years the idea of America has been trampled on and mistreated. And last night, we were great again.  I was enormously proud of Senator McCain. His speech was beautiful and to the point and we finally got a glimpse of the man we all used to really respect.  There seemed to be a bit of a chill between the Senator and Govenor Palin. And rightfully so. I'm not complaining with the current result (BELIEVE ME) but I think perhaps, had Senator McCain made a wiser choice for a running mate (any skirt will never do) we could've seen at least a tighter race if not a completely different end result.

I hope we've heard the last of Sarah Palin.  Think me erratic, but the woman, in my opinion is Hitler in a skirt.  She is the Grim Reaper of Women's Rights.  Frightful.  I just hope she will go back to Alaska, stay there.  Let her be an advocate of all the things she said she would be an advocate for, and let her do it away from me.

On to the new PRESIDENT ELECT! President Barack Obama!  "Change has come to America".  14 million of us who had never voted before , did so yesterday.  It was magic.  WE DID IT! And....We spoke clearly and loudly.  We won by a LANDSLIDE.  It was overwhelming....it all happened so fast. I really thought I would have to go to bed in fear I would wake up to more of the same. But at 11pm it was clear and lovely.  It was a miracle.  A wave of hope, joy, and peace came over me. Again, I felt safe in my country and for the first time in a long time PROUD to be an American. No longer did I feel this was a snotty elitist nation trying to get by on greed alone.  We're again , "the land of the free and the home of the brave".  We can call what all of us stood up to do yesterday bravery....but really everyone, it was common sense. We can no longer reward only the wealthy. If this is indeed the land of opportunity, let it be so and I  believe it will be so.  It won't be easy, and I am greatful for President Obama's honesty where these truths are concerned.  But we're going to get there.

I am sad for the comments of close minded Republican ticket supporters who's facebook, myspace and twitter and what-have-you comments, that I have read. And yes, maybe I am wrong, but I've deleted many of them as friends. I don't have the time and frankly can't envision myself in association (at least currently) with such people. May I remind them, the man they followed graciously acknowledged his defeat and asked  them to support their new President.  If these people really are, "country first" you would think perhaps Patriotism could overturn Biggotry (sp) we'll see. 

Ok. Tomorrow I plan to write a more, "jaclyn kay" type blog.  Something with glitter, ibs, sex and designing women.

Stay Tuned,

JAC

I'm special....

I have a habit...I've noticed...of title-ing a blog something that will relate to what I intend the blog to be about and then...completely leaving that "something" out of the blog.

ALA- "slightly streepy", in reference to Meryl Streep's tumble in "death becomes her" was to relay to my tumble down the stairs because Mark said thats what I looked like, and then, I never made mention of it in said blog.

Such was the case with "A bottle of White....a WHOLE Bottle..."  

The night prior...we had our photo shoot with Nat. I think I talked about that...I hope.

And it was lovely. Then we had some chow and libation with Nat as well. And I drank my weight in pinot grigio. Odd, as I had  started the night off with my true love, Diet Coke. And planned to remain monogamous. Later I thought, "oh how I would enjoy a glass of white , fireside.." yes...I thought it just like that. And I opened a bottle called, "stella notte" and Stella and I had a one night stand. 3 hours later, I'd missed RUNWAY at Joey's, revealed more about my passion for Marin Mazzie than you should ever tell someone you just met who MAY or MAY NOT be friends with Marin Mazzie, and finished off Stella...that saucy bitch.

so yea, thats why that was the blog title.

In other news...

I like to (well I don't like to) have a nervous breakdown a week or so before opening with every show I do. But this time, I moved things along and had one Thursday night.  Now brace yourself for this...

I am VERY insecure.  VERY.  And I often doubt myself (GASP). But then the show goes on as it always does and I realize I am capable and maybe even a little talented and everyone's happy and we all take a bow like Madonna. However...that usually isn't preceeded by an ankle fracture and tumble down a flight of stairs. So this particular run I've been, in Mark's words, "a ball of nerves" and its true. I feel like Fosca...like I'm missing a layer of skin. I'm afraid to get out of my bed let alone trot down a staircase ,"while belting high c's and preparing souflees". So Thursday night when we arrived to choreograph , "We Open on Thursday"...I mean, "We Open in Venice" and I saw that spiral staircase of death.....I almost vomitted. And after 3 hours of sassing Mark, rolling my eyes, sweating like Shelby in Steel Magnolias and being on the verge of tears,  I lost my shit and Mark held me and we talked and now everything's lovely and I'm gonna dance like SJP in "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"....this role is mine. And I came to play.

Stay Tuned

JAC

"A Bottle a' White..." A WHOLE Bottle

Ok. CLEARLY I suck at updates.  In my defense...I don't like to update from my place of employment...as , clearly if the people I work for really knew the level of my insanity...they wouldn't let me look at their child let alone spend the entire week with her. Just Kidding. I am the best Nanny EVER. But it is true, I no longer update from work...and after KMK rehearsals I like to spend the hour before I go to bed with Rachel Zoe and my roomates and ice-ing down various body parts that have faced torment at the hands of Mark "Jerry Robbins" Lenard.

But today, thanks to the chosen people ( I hope to be one someday) I have time to update and eat eggs while they fast and take the kid to temple.  So SHALOM dear readers.  

Much has taken place since last we spoke and I was recreating scenes from "Death Becomes Her" on the stairs of The Ritz.  I had a rancid case of strep throat and living in our current world where I am uninsured and poor I had to take the "holistic" approach. Which actually I am THRILLED to do, but it would be nice to have the option to seek eastern medicine. Obama 08'.

ANYHOO.  So I depleted WHOLE FOODS and Wegmans of their Coldcalm supply. A drug which I now swear by. It literally knocked strep throat out of me. Astonishing.  SO I fell down stairs, I got strep and during the strep drama I decided I should try every homeopathic cure I can find online and thus we begin the tale of the neti nightmare.

I read somewhere that its not only helpful to gargle with apple cider vinegar but to neti pot with it as well. So I'm at home...an hour before rehearsal. It's a thursday night and I'm feeling like shit.  But I know after rehearsal I have the entire weekend to get myself better, or at least try to.  So I put water on to make tea for rehearsal and when its done I make said tea and I also rationalize (as only I could) that hotter water will kill more germs. PS everytime I now recount this story and say that outloud...I wonder how I could make that assumption.  All I can say is I was SO sick and felt SO awful I would've tried anything if I thought it would heal me. SO hotter water; more germs killed.  So I pour boiling hot water mixed with apple cider vinegar into my neti pot.....hunch over my sink.....and burn the shit out of my brain, my eyes and my senses.  I immediately felt like I was swimming in a sea of HELL. And no matter how hard I blew my nose I couldn't get that HEAT out of my head.  It was a nightmare. And I also begin to realize...oh, I can't SMELL OR TASTE ANYTHING. And I have to be at rehearsal in 15 minutes. SPLENDID. I get there. No makeup. Snot falling. Eyes puffy. Bruce takes me aside to console what he assumes is a breakdown over the whole Marc break up. To which I reply, "No I dont give a SHIT about Marc...I'm sick. and I BURNT my nose!".

Having JUST regained my taste and smell this week , I can now look back and laugh but last week and the week before....I kept thinking all the things I may never experience again. Like can you IMAGINE not being able to know what you smell like. Or taste food??? It was awful. One of my favorite indulgences in perfume...and I couldn't smell. It was so depressing. But it's over now.

NEXT.

So eventually I got over my sickness. My bruises from falling are almost completely gone. I can smell and taste.  And on Tuesday, Nat  our , "guest artist" arrived. And he is divine.  It means a lot to me to be working with someone I've admired for so long....I've never really been in this situation before but I do know that it could've gone a number of different ways. THANKFULLY he is lovely, hilarious, talented and looks great in a pirate boot. Who could ask for ANYTHING MORRRRRRRRRE!

And the great news is...

The new season of The Real Housewives just started.  This "kim" character...is a f*ckin half wit. And I love her.

Stay Tuned...

Slightly Streep-y

I just got home from rehearsal.  Ah, rehearsal.  Most people wear sweat pants....jazz pants, sneakers, maybe a character shoe here and there....what did I wear tonight?

Black mini dress, black tights, and black suede 4 inch stiletto boots. WHY? I DON'T KNOW!  I am just a lunatic and feel the need to over compensate so people aren't saying, "she's Lois Lane?"....granted, I probably shouldn't worry anyway...I mean, I made it didn't I? And I should compensate by using my talent and working hard to make this role great...which I AM but still...I feel boots are required.

AND SO....after Mark and I tweeked "Always True To You.." several times we had to go pick up a cast memeber from the Speedline....Mark needed directions, I said I'd help. My sister texts me (its always her fault...kidding) and I'm texting back , and walking , which CLEARLY I should've known I can't do two things at once...as I make my way down the scary stairs...I fall. 

I FALL. And try as I may....I can't STOP FALLING. SO I start SCREAMING , "NO NO NO NO NO"....like that's gonna help. In my mind, two thoughts kept playing: "I have no health insurance and I'm about to rip my face off on these stairs" and "I am going on stage even if I am left with a claw hand and skin grafts...I AM GOING ON STAGE" ...luckily, Mark was at the foot of the stairs and caught me. I don't know how. It must've looked like an elephant clad in Marc Jacobs' fall line falling at him.  NIGHTMARE. I immediately began shaking. It was nerves. It was fear. It was the idea of my fat ass falling at Mark replaying in my head like, "Rhythm of the Night" in a gay bar....it was everything. 

I have never heard Bruce's feet move SO FAST in my life. Everyone wanted me to be still and make sure I was ok...which was lovely. I, on the other hand....I wanted to go to Taco Bell....eat a crunch wrap....and then die. I went with Mark to pick up CJ instead.

....so now I am home. I'm going to listen to something sad and cry, because I am mortified.

ABSOLUTELY MORTIFIED.

I thought I was physically ok but each minute that passes I feel something else that hurts....charming.

So far, visibly, my left hand is a but F'd up and my left knee is bruised....my necks starting to hurt but....I don't know. What can you do???

If Lois Lane has to go onstage with a bedazzled neck brace...you bet your ass that's what she'll do!

Character Choices, people. That's what we've got to make.

So yea....moral of the story is...

I will no longer attempt to shower, shave, re-apply make up and put on CRAZY club clothes for blocking rehearsals...or any rehearsals really....

now my back hurts.

OY

Stay Tuned

JAC

Used 2 Love U

Coming to you LIVE from my dining room...where I am sipping a delicious freshly brewed , french pressed cup of Verona coffee , and wearing a blue knit cap with a navy pom pom on top of it (It's inspiring, ok), sitting chatting with Kelly (the one who's never seen Dirty Dancing) and listening to Franki whine.  

Yesterday I laid incredibly low.....sadly there was no shit tv on whatsoever....so unfair.  When Erica came home we bitched and moaned briefly about life and politics and vaginas and then we got up off our own vaginas and went grocery shopping.  Wegmans after dark......

What a hell hole. All these angry women...not in the mood to make dinner but troubling themselves anyway.  Lots of smug marrieds....who wish they weren't;  checking out my best friend and I , as we cruise the salad bar talking to each other like lesbian lovers because it amuses us. It's fun. The staff at Wegmans are incredibly kind...I don't know why. If I worked there...I'd be angrier than my cat when Josh tried to pet him while he was shitting.  We came home and made a buffet of delights....and I think that was a wise choice because there was so much before us, we basically only ate a couple bites of whatever and then we were done.  We rented Juno...for what it costs to buy skim milk...bastards.  That movie is immaculate.  I painted my nails spitefully black....because now I can.  And I love it.  And clearly when I watched porn later I was all about myself.  Fierce. 

Romance.....thats the next frontier I plan to conquer.  One upside (well , up for me) to a bad break-up is that usually .....if you're slightly mentally healthy, you're probably not out there looking for your next great love...but for your next great lover.  I don't need FEELINGS right not. Just a lot of lust and chocolate and R&B and a little candle wax and biting. Sadly , this is a time I wish I didn't live in NJ because there's no WAY you're gonna get a decent booty call in these parts. So the only thing to do is cut back on carbs, throw on a pencil skirt and some gloss and get crack a lackin'.  So I put on my "Back to Black" album and that's what I fully intend to do. BITCHES!

Now it's off the the Apple store to fight at the Genius Bar.

Stay Tuned

Jac

The Lies of Me....

It's a sick day for me. I had planned to blog last night....but I started getting sick Wednesday night and by Thursday...there was a full blown attack of the post nasal drip. Post Nasal Drip....mayhaps my LEAST favorite of symptoms. Maybe its because I'm a singer, but that feeling like there's a bog ol' HOLE in your throat and you can't hock that mess of nasty out of your throat....what a nightmare.  I obviously caught this bird flu from my little chicken that I'm with everyday.  She's sick and sneezy...and her favorite time/place to sneeze is when she's about to give me a kiss and looking me in the face.  And I can't get upset because...she means well.  But anyways...here I lie, on my couch. Just me and the ladies of the VIEW.  And I've got much to update everyone on....

It's been a week of bad.  A whole lotta' bad.  

My cold. My break-up. Learning I am living a lie. XANADU closing. And Pat O'Brien is fired from The INSIDER.  It's overwhelming.  

I was getting ready to go out for Runway night at Joey's and explaining to my roomates how my "progressive" mother managed to explain the many adult theme's in Dirty Dancing to me.  When Cynthia Rhodes , "Penny", has her abortion, clearly at the tender age of 3 while cruising around naked in my Barbie car, I was clueless as to how Penny got that way. So I asked, "Mommy...why is Penny BLEEDING!?"....and Mkb responded with, "she fell....she fell down the stairs and hit her stomach on a table." CASE CLOSED.  For YEARS I believed this.  And as a result, became quite terrified of stairs AND the corners of tables everywhere.  I literally never found out the truth until I was probably 14.  I was shocked. But I was about to be Gobsmacked when Kelly, my best friend and roomate announced, "I've never seen it...".....Never seen WHAT!?? An Abortion? A Table? No. Kelly had never seen Dirty Dancing.  I was dumbfounded.  How had I been friends with this person for the better part of the last 12 years...how was I sleeping with a mere wall between us....HOW!???! HOW!??? I reached for the laptop and began to read my "top movies" from my facebook...90% of which Kelly had not seen. INCLUDING , but not limited to....Gone With the Wind, Mystic Pizza, Mean Girls, THE BIG CHILL. I was in a hell unlike any I had ever known....but I had to leave to go to Runway. Not without inforcing that in the NEAR future a day of movies will take place.  It has to. I can't live this lie.

Next. Broadwayworld broke the sad news....XANADU has announced it is closing. The news itself is treacherous enough...but there are no reasons.  WHY?? WHY? is this happening. To the best of my knowledge the show is still fiercely popular and packed.  SO....to quote Queenie, "how did we come to this?!". I don't understand. I just know it hurts. It hurts so bad.  

So I just went out to get gas, check my oil, and buy the neccessary items to soothe the sickness.  I went to what looked like a nice, relatively inexpensive little gas station. Boy, was I wrong. 20 MINUTES LATER.  Dear God. I am not a mechanic. I'm not! I don't KNOW how much oil I need...that's why I came to you. I am sick, I am wearing my Eponine hat and my glasses are pinching my nose so tight that I look like Fivel instead.  It was just not helping the situation.  Add Shirley, the degenerate salesperson at Rite Aid into the mix and I'm lucky I made it back to the futon.  

I did have a glimmer this week....

Remember that heinously wonderous public access show on CN8, "Seeking Solutions with Suzanne"....starring senior citizen, Suzanne Roberts??  Well I do. My friend Mike Coon performed selections from various episodes everyday during High School lunch.  "will you watch me and gimme some TIPS!"....or "WHAT IS TAI CHI!?" Brilliant.  Well as I was strolling with my little charge in Rittenhouse, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Suzanne..sitting ..with a black toy poodle (clearly). I said, "shut the hell up)....rather loudly. Suzanne is all but deaf and she totally heard me. I used the kid to my advantage...because old people can't resist a cute baby. And I got to tell Suzanne what a huge fan I am. It was a big moment for everyone....even the poodle.  

On a serious note.  I ended something....we ended something...our relationship this Monday.  It was a long time coming sadly.  Really.  It hasn't been right for...actually I don't know that it was ever right.  I went into something fully knowing I was never going to be loved by this person but constantly looking forward, thinking in future-tense of how wonderful things would be when he did this, or when he realized that , or when he got over this and that. It's a mistake I think many of us make. Seeing someone's potential for them; you can't.  Just like you can't save someone...well maybe you can.  But I don't know that you should.  I feel quite hollow on the inside when I think of what now? Who now? ......It's incredibly hard to know you feel a certain way and the other person feels a flat line.  Especially when what you feel is love.  Combine it with the fact that...I thought I knew the score.  Initially what we had? An affair essentially. I could do that, I could handle that. There were rules to the game.  Once you're in a relationship....and further more once you're in love, what are the rules?  It makes me sick at how much we talked and talked and talked and nothing was said.  I allowed someone to take out all their pain from their past on me...thinking that martyrdom would make me loveable.  It just made me pathetic.  I never asked for anything. I never made demands for fear of pushing him away and as a result spend most of the "relationship" (what a bullshit word) being miserable and developing ulcers. Lovely.  As always I allowed a handful of good times to overshadow an incredible amount of dissatisfaction.  It makes me sad. I found someone who made me happy. Who I , at the time, profoundly respected. Because of him and who he was I believed that you could find adventures even being with the same person....maybe that was because we never saw eachother or maybe there was a genuine excitement about being with him.  I don't know.  I feel extremely cheated.  I feel angry.  I don't know how I earned this...I really don't.  Somehow I got someone else's karma...won't say who...but its baffling to me.  I never even met this person.  

I think maybe, as an adult, this was the first time I had ever been in love. So it's extremely depressing and very bittersweet.  I feel cynical where love's concerned...and I hate that.  That's what I want to get away from the most....that feeling that all this love I felt, a love that literally at one point brought me to my knees, is just useless. It has nowhere to go.  There's nowhere I can put it. I certainly don't want it. I'm sick of feeling overwhelmed by it.  Everyday it will dissipate a little more....time heals everything.  

Stay Tuned.

Jac

One Night at the Jellical Ball.....

I have serious issues when it comes to going out.

Being a 20-something with limited funds I get slightly nervous about going somewhere new (I'm literally ashamed of myself typing this right now) and spending money and then the overwhelming disdain I will feel about life in general when I inevitably end up hating it. 

I get the same way about new foods in restaurants. I know...I hate myself even more than you possibly could. Believe me.  Oddly enough (well its not that odd) ...when someone else is payin' I would feel too much of a douche to turn down something new and inevitably end up LOVING the new thing I try.  

Moral of the story.....Money can buy you an eclectic cheese plate....and you might love it. But if it's your money buying the cheese plate, you might hate it and miss out on a really great pair of shoes. But moving on.

So back to my issues with going out...my friends Melissa (first shout out), Dann, and Josh wanted to go "out". In sojo this means...."go to Philly"...in Gay SoJo this means "go to philly and go to Tavern on Camac" .  Tavern is lovely. If you're in the right mind frame. I am not.  

I could not have spent my evening surrounded by the gorgeous gays and their LOVAHS, being judged solely on the evening gown portion of the pageant and never making it to my "talent" because some fabulous boy named Stephen, or Keith or Todd or what have you, had to sing "Pretty Women".  Couldn't do it. Wouldn't want to.  Not when I have a finished basement and Me and My Shadows: Life With Judy Garland on DVD. And so I suggested they come over here...and the hilarity that ensued was epic.  

Firstly....there's the selection of the DVD.  I suggested we go about the way I would were I babysitting.  Everyone pics a couple DVD's and I'll choose which one I like best because my opinion counts the most and then I'll put them behind my back (having memorized where the one I want is) and choose the one we watch.  We went through the DVD's.....Mommie Dearest, definite possibility.  Basic Instinct, what is it with gays and wanting to see a vagina?  Guffman....it was bound to come along.  Judy Garland, "PULL IT" we all shouted.  Judy won, by a LANDSLIDE.  Perhaps the only thing that could've beaten her out was Liza in Faerie Tale Theatre's Princess and the Pea (also starring Al's great Aunt)...but Faerie Tale Theatre was vetoed by Dann.  Might as well just overturn Roe v. Wade, DANN!

So we watched Judy, AS Judy.  GENIUS.  Josh lied and told Melissa Judy Garlands father was dying of AIDS....in 1923. Hmmm.  Melissa was drunk , so she cried.  Dann was in a corner recreating the choreography to "Skimmbleshanks" (no one tells you how badly these actors suffer after the CATS tour ends) because apparently that is the 'cat' Franki most resembles. 

And Josh interrupted my cat's bowel movement (SO not ok with me) in an effort to hold him.

And....I pissed myself on the treadmill during a photo shoot.  You heard me.

All in all....it had to be one of the most satisfying Saturdays I've had in recent MEMMMMMMORYYYY. Anyone?  Yea. Thats right.

Stay Tuned.

Jac

Totally Fuched......and a Stabbed Baby

Well....here she is BOYS! Here she is WORLD!......It's my real blog. Bloggity blog blog!

It's so exciting.....between the New Kids having the number one album in Canada and learning how to use a french press...I am just beside myself...

But lets get down to brass tacks.

Welcome to my official blog.....you will now be able to tune in whenever and read all about this bitch, without selling your soul to Myspace thereby opening yourself up to shitty bands, bulletins and 18 year old russian prostitutes. I happen to enjoy shitty bands, bulletins, and 18 year old russian prostitutes (takes me back to Freshman year) but I realize I have to reach out to a wider audience...and I'm all about that.  Here at, "It's Not Me, It's You" you will learn about my fondness for grocery stores as a means to a bowel movement, how I truely believe I will one day find love in the arms of George Michael, (you say," impossible" but I feel that word much more clearly defines my present relationship...and the only things holding us back is emotional unavailability... so where George is concerned... Gayness means nothing to me) You'll experience me "spelling", 'segway' ...every which way but the RIGHT way.  And probably find out more about Priscilla Presley and Ann-Margret than you thought you ever needed to know. I also hope to recommend music, food, and books to you all....almost as if I am pretentious enough to promote my own "brand"....though clearly I lack the funds to afford skim milk, let alone anything that would consist of a , "BRAND".  So throw on a full length gown and some fuzzy slippers ...(well that's what I'm wearin') and join me!

And now....an evening with Dana Fuchs

We begin on a dreary Friday....September 12, 2008.  My idol, Dana Fuchs, of The Dana Fuchs Band was slated to make a return to Philadelphia at The World Cafe. btw..  Long story short (until I learn how to post links to past myspace blogs) I know Dana's Guitarist/writing partner/producer/best friend: Jon. Jon and I both really love the song, "Horse With No Name"...and we're perverts ..and so a friendship was formed. I have friends who loved Dana...then I loved Dana too. Then we met Dana and Dana loved me. And now I lived in a world where all I listen to is Dana Fuchs ...and I questioned why my Mother didn't name me something that started with the letter , "D" and I constantly ask God to make me 6ft tall, and he responds by giving me a bigger ass and smaller tits. But the point is... somewhere along the way I have become lucky enough to call Dana a friend and so , we all love her and when she's in Philly my whole day feels like there's an underscore of , "I Go to Rio" playing.  So Friday she was playing in Philly...no joke we'd had our tickets for 4 months. I had had quite a shiteous week so I just wanted to worship at the church of Fuchs and let my troubles wash away.  

As always I had a fabulous outfit planned. A high-waisted pencil skirt...tube top (don't knock it til ya rock it) and patent leather black stilettos. Sadly, Mother Nature was over that ensemble and so it was jeans, said tube top, fabulous jewels and my zebra flats...even though Jon has told me he , "hates flats" and that they are for "coolies and hospital workers"...whatever that means.   Though we were running late , somehow I instinctively new we'd make it there on time...that's actually a lie....I was terrified and felt like I had just taken 5 ALLI and eaten a Big Mac from the fear that we'd miss Dana's first number. But we made it. We met Jaimie and John and Luke (who looked beautiful in his tankini...little joke) and we all grabbed our seats and promptly ordered cocktails.  I was just so excited....

Anytime you go to see The DFB...you're not just going to see a concert...you're going to have an experience. Joanne says it is COMPLETE and total performance art. I mean...Dana is the closest that our generation will ever be able to come to any sort of a "woodstock" type of experience. Not only within the content of her own music...but what she has to offer in terms of thoughts on love, politics, life in general....it's relevant , beautiful and if you open yourself up to the experience, then like myself you can't help but be moved and maybe even a little changed by the time the show was over. I had the same experience at George Michael but that seems like it should go without saying.  Anyhoo....last night was no exception.  I was proud but not at all suprised to see they had PACKED the world cafe downstairs and when I saw Jon run out to gather the wine and shots ...I knew it was SHOWTIME.

Dana opened with , "Not For Me"...an original, I believe, as when I googled "not for me lyrics" all I got was Backstreet Boys and I don't think Dana covers their repetoire. Anyhoo...opened with , "Not for Me" which I LOVVVVVVE. Then, as always, "Almost Home"...and clearly the entire time I'm doing my belterific , "WOOT WOOT" and as the band's riffing for the next song I "woot" 'd (Jaimie claims she did too , but like Princess Amneris, I know the truth) and Dana said, "...ah, Jaclyn's here!"....:I died a little: "Ya know we don't have many friends in Philly but we do have our friend, Jaclyn" :threw up in my mouth and started sweating like a farm animal: "So this song is for Jaclyn, it's called Lonely for a Lifetime" :swallow throw up and basque in the joy...and the irony.  After that I could not stay in my seat...and though I had promised myself to keep the dancing to a minimum so that I wouldn't sweat through my clothes as per usual...I couldn't help it.  When Jaimie and John came up to dance with me...I was just totally complete.  Dana played , "Songbird"...Al's favorite song, and I was just so thrilled he was getting to experience it live...and Joanne was getting , "fuched" for the first time...and LOVING it like we knew she would. My whole world was like one big Kylie Minogue video; it was all so fabulous!  Clearly no DFB concert would be complete without ...the ballad of Jon and Dana, "Misery"......combine my own personal drama with Dana's opening storyline and 2 Tanqueray and Tonics and you had a recipe for tears.  But it was cathartic to say the least.  I'm just glad I'm not a cutter.....yet.

The band started playing a fan favorite, "drive"....its not on my ipod so although I know it, I don't know it. But that doesn't mean I don't LOVE it. Dana was recalling the tale of an angry cabby which is how the song came about...Dana encouraged all of us that before we get mad at someone, just, "imagine them as a two year old baby....cuz' you wouldn't stab a 2 yr old baby...well I might...I love stabbing two year old babies!" :CRICKETS:.......CLEARLY Philly doesn't get the, "stabbing baby" humor.  Although, John, Jaimie and I were all hysterics. Oh well. 

During "drive" they segwayed (see) into "Papa Was a Rollin Stone".....now let me relay to you that I KNOW of this song but my Mother the disco diva singing super sensation never took the time to teach me this little diddy, though I did know the entire repetoire of the Manhattan Transfer by the time I was 6 years old but I digress.....BUT. I SHOULD know this song for a few reasons....one...Dana knows it. Two, George does a cover of it. And THREE the lyrics say, "it was the 3rd of september..." HELLO! My BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!  and the most important reason????? Dana called me ONSTAGE TO SING IT!!

Yes, let me repeat myself. DANA FUCHS....ASKED ME....JACLYN KAY to JOIN HER ONSTAGE TO SING!!! 

Now...this is no small task. No one sings like Dana. No one can.  and I am a foot shorter than she is and I can't play the cowbell....yet I watched myself (I believe my spirit floated up out of my body and onstage and that's who performed with Dana...because it was so out of body and I, in a normal frame of mind would not have just run up a flight of stairs (I hate stairs) to sing with a rock star) run up the stairs and on to the stage.  Dana told me to grab Jon's mic (it was so weird because that's exactly what she always says in my dream) and we just went nuts.  WE just riffed it up. I didn't know the words but by the 5th time around I got it...and let out a rock n' roll scream the likes of which I didn't know were in me. It was remarkable to me what was going on between us....to just look at Dana and that she was trusting me, and my talent...it was overwhelming. This will sound strange....slightly creepy...but I mean it sincerely...I honestly daydreamed about that moment all the time...but NEVER did I think it would happen and that's fine. Dana's concert is JUST THAT , DANA's concert , and that she would share her moment with me like that...it's a testament to her generosity as a performer and as a person....what it meant for me, and what it did for my heart and my passion ....I don't know that I'll ever be able to REALLY explain that.  It was just magical.  AND! She let me use her cherry red tambourine and I've got the bruises to prove it! I wish they would never go away...even-though my right wrist looks like a dark moment out of a LIFETIME movie.  

As if making my wildest dreams come true wasn't enough, (honestly short of paying off my student-loans, what more could the woman have done) Dana then sang her famous cover of, "I'd Rather Go Blind" ....which is one of my favorite songs that the band does....obviously because of the soul Dana grinds into it but Jon also plays the most sensational guitar solo ever. TRUELY. You will never hear anything that will rival that solo.  Just literally brings me to my knees everytime.

So then I believe they played.....actually I don't remember the last thing they played...I was really out of it (If anyone's dying to know I can go check the set list I swipped). But I DO KNOW that the crowd was not letting them leave just yet and clearly they encored with , "Helter Skelter".  What a moment....the band, sans Dana, came back out and Jon started on that guitar...I wanted to rip my clothes off and swim in a bowl of chocolate milk because it was creamy.  Dana came back out and ripped it apart. And ended with a back bend that lead me to believe she just might make it to the next Olympics.  It was unreal.

After the concert we just stood on the side and hung out waiting to say goodbye to Dana. Jon came over grinning like Palin at a NRA rally and said, "so how was that"......I was just in a HAZE.  I felt like I had just had sex with George Michael and ate a bowl of ice cream in egyptian cotton sheets.  MADNESS.  We chatted it up with Jon and worshiped him like the guitar god he is and he was a doll as usual...OH! I almost forgot. I HAVE FANS! A 10 year old girl came galavanting over to me and yelled for my autograph...I wanted to adopt her and carry her on my waist in a pashmina. She had me autograph a program but then also her LEATHER ipod carrying case...I mean, leather and sharpie...that's a done deal. That ain't comin' off, so I said, "Sweetie are you sure!? It's LEATHER!!!!" But she wanted me to SIGN IT!  I just hugged her and told her she made my day.  Person after person just kept coming up to me and saying the nicest things to me. They wanted to know where I performed....where they could come see me....I was just ...I don't even know. A MESS.  People were so kind and I was just moved beyond belief.

When we finally got to talk to Dana I just wanted to hang on her like a baby koala....I didn't know how to express my gratitude(not that I felt baby koala-dom would suffice but you know). I just kept telling her (probably about 300 times because I was drunk) that I had had the worst week and she took me out of it for a few hours and made me sublimely happy. (clueless..anyone? anyone?) As always she was genuine, generous, and kind beyond measure.  She even signed Luke's nipple. And promised to write me an outline on how to manipulate an insecure man.  Bless her heart.  

Yet again....expectations were FAR exceeded....dreams came true, friendships were stronger than ever and for a few hours....there was nothing wrong in the world. I literally wish they would play Philly once  a week.  But I'll take what I can get. And thanks to Dana I feel so very inspired and open to possibilities on all fronts.

Stay Tuned

Jac