"Darlin Won't You Ease My Worried Mind..."

Hello my lovely readers!???? Miss me!?!
I missed YOU!

I'm back after a lengthy hiatus. 6 months. YIKES.
Well as most of you know , I was in an emotionally abusive relationship that would rival the screenplay of a LIFETIME movie , from last January until the end of July. Happily though I am free and my life has been something along the lines of a dream come true lately. I mean I could always be thinner and have more money but the feelings of contentment and self worth I've come to know lately....along with the most perfect love ever...I'm just one happy pigeon.

In July I took a vacation with my now X to Jamaica....and of course while I was there I couldn't stay away from our resorts piano bar. Where I of course sang, "FAITH" numerous times and ended up competeing in the Talent Competition belting, "And I Am Telling You" only to receive a bottle of rum and hear the phrase, "there's no winner....everyone wins here!"...I'm still not over that. If it's a competition, SOMEONE better win, and it BETTER be me. - But I digress...
So I'm singing "FAITH", spreading the gospel of George Michael and when I'm done this nice guy approaches me with his lovely wife and says, "that was great...you don't happen to live in Jersey do ya?"....."well as a matter of fact I do!", "really, where?" "Cherry Hill-ish" and he was from Deptford (like for realsies what are the odds) and looking to add a girl singer to his classic rock cover band. And as we all know, Little Jaclyn has been dying to join a classic rock cover band for some time, just had no idea how that would ever come to pass. But here was an opportunity! So I come home from Jamaica, dump the boyfriend , stay in touch with the guy from Jamaica and by mid August I'm singing with the band, Loose Cannons for the first time. And I get up there with these guys at a gig , basically just to jam and see how things go and it's heaven. Like 30 songs I LOVE LOVE LOVE and I'm just living my dream of "fabulous career woman by day/Dana Fuchs' little sister by Night". SO I joined the band.
Now not only do I get to sing my favorite songs but I play with the best guys on the planet. Like, I LOVE my band. We've gotten SO good since we started, it's just incredible.

My first gig went off without a hitch obviously, and yea we had a ways to go and still are growing but from that first night, one thing was clear: I had CRAZY Stevie Nicks/Leslie Buckingham chemistry with my guitarist. Like we just fed off each other, would wink at one another and laugh and chat in between riffs and I just thought he was totes cute and that was that. And then he sang, "layla"....and I was done. I joined in on harmony and that last , "darlin won't you ease ...myyyyy worried.....miiiiiiind." DONE. DONE. DONE. But nothing happened. No drama. It was just clear we were adorable. But it's funny how you throw another skirt into the mix and it all changes. :) Our last gig, "coach" as we shall call him, brought a date. A DATE. in his defense...it was a set up and I had never revealed I had any genuine feelings for him. But I saw this chicklet chatting him up and drinking a beer with her clip in hair and I was about to get Glenn Close. I started texting Sasha, "true life: I am in love with my guitarist but he has some piece here with acrylic hair and a spandex shirt on" to which my bunny responded, "f*ck acrylic hair; go get your man".....after 3 more sets of sexual angst and rock n roll- of busting his balls about bringing a date when everyone knows "sundays at southwood are for flirting"- of him giving me sexy eyes and me telling him to "send michelle home" and half joking that I paid this huge biker guy, Don (who farted on our dance floor) to take her off his hands - I followed him out to his car to see if he needed any , "help". To which he said, "he was fine" and my confidence shriveled up and died momentarily and I started to walk away....he grabbed my arm,and said, "hey...are you serious?" and I said "yes, yes I am". And to be fair- I was serious. I was seriously attracted. All about some sexy guitar time , a little nasty nasty. But we kissed and had there been a word bubble above my head it would have read, "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck". Because he kissed me, I kissed back and I basically got clubbed in the knees like Nancy Kerrigan. There's been no turning back. A day later , sitting in a local bar , sharing drinks and stories and finally talking to someone who I actually CARED about what they were saying....I knew I was in love. With my best friend no less. CRAZY. And here I am feeling this and kicking and cursing myself because I had my 'plan'. To be single now, to go to New York in november and hunt for peen with my girlfriends and start taking yoga and learn french once and for all. And so I went to the therapist and told her how "coach" had thrown a monkey wrench in all my plans. And she looked at me and told me I needed to be 100% honest with "Coach" because not only did he sound like a good guy overall but she was pretty sure I had met my soulmate. And so was I.

I tried to have "talk" with "Coach"....."we're at different points in our life....I don't know what I'm going to want in a year or 5...blah blah blah" and then in an instant I just blurted out, "I want to be with you".....and so I am.

I haven't felt this way since I met Brian when I was 16. And I always say to Brian, I listen to that John Mayer song, "I'm gonna find another you"...that it would and could only be someone I had THAT connection with to make me feel this way...and my therapist and I talked about how my person would have to be someone I connected with on that "brian" level, minus the drugs and drama. Someone who, like the dreaded X, had something to show for life but didn't give to get and didn't use me. Someone who wanted to take care of me but not fix me or "keep" me.

And here he is. So the answer seems to me: love him. Love him. stay with him. stay up late kissing and playing songs on the guitar. Just treasure this incredible love that I KNOW does NOT come around that often. He is magnificent. Kind and caring in a way that I had begun to doubt exhisted. Solid to the core. Knows who he is and wants nothing more than for me to be who I am and will do anything to encourage that I am that person. I'm just thanking God for him every minute because he is an angel. I love him. Love him. I know I sound like Renee Zelwegger in "jerry maguire" but I love him.

More to come....
xoxoxJAC