This evening, the end to day 2 of the No Carb Diet went a little something like this:
Jaclyn : Where are the pickles?? :head in fridge: Are you fucking kidding...you're kidding...I'm going to kill someone!
Mark: I guess someone ate em'
Jaclyn: WHO!?!?!
Mark: I don't know babe, someone...I'll go get you some pickles.
Jaclyn: NO!
Mark: YES!
Jaclyn: No...so help me...don't, I don't want you to :Mark heads out: DON'T! DON'T! I Don't WANT THEM!
Mark: You don't? You don't want them?
Jaclyn : No : makes face which suggests I do indeed want pickles:
Mark: You sure, I can go get them. I can eat them on my sandwhich tomorrow
Jaclyn: Well then I'm going with you
Mark: WHY!?
Jaclyn: Because if you're alone and you get into a car crash then you died going to get me PICKLES! And I can't....
Mark: Ok, let's go.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
So Long , Farewell
Last night I said Farewell to one of my great loves: Carbohydrates.
Yes-in an effort to kick-start some serious summah summah summah time weight loss, I am trying the sacred heart soup diet. At least until I can get my hands on some crystal meth. I kid. But those horse pill things Rachel Zoe was handing out years ago- I'd go for some of that.
But it's 1pm on day one...and I'm not dying or anything but I would just really enjoy some dry toast. A yogurt? Something. But I am determined to follow this shit to the letter. At least for a week because supposedly, by day 3 I can drop up to
7lbs. Now let day 3 come and only 2lbs have been lost and I will find whoever wrote this out and sit on them while I eat a loaf of pepperoni bread and bounce on their stomach.
But today I can only eat the soup and fruit. Tomorrow I can have the soup and Veggies and then Day 3 I'll get to, "reward" myself with a baked potato. I feel like Oliver. The soup's not bad by any means .....but it's not pizza either. I just absolutely refuse to wear a one piece and/or tankini this summer. It's a hot pink bikini or a tarp. Go big (or small in this case) or go home. I looked DELISH last summer. Granted my last relationship was practically giving me chrones and the man I was seeing monitored every bite I took- but I'm thinking I can get back to my former Delish self in a somewhat-sensible way this time. But again- if you or someone you know have the 411 on where I can get horse pills....lemme know! :)
XOXO
JAC
Yes-in an effort to kick-start some serious summah summah summah time weight loss, I am trying the sacred heart soup diet. At least until I can get my hands on some crystal meth. I kid. But those horse pill things Rachel Zoe was handing out years ago- I'd go for some of that.
But it's 1pm on day one...and I'm not dying or anything but I would just really enjoy some dry toast. A yogurt? Something. But I am determined to follow this shit to the letter. At least for a week because supposedly, by day 3 I can drop up to
7lbs. Now let day 3 come and only 2lbs have been lost and I will find whoever wrote this out and sit on them while I eat a loaf of pepperoni bread and bounce on their stomach.
But today I can only eat the soup and fruit. Tomorrow I can have the soup and Veggies and then Day 3 I'll get to, "reward" myself with a baked potato. I feel like Oliver. The soup's not bad by any means .....but it's not pizza either. I just absolutely refuse to wear a one piece and/or tankini this summer. It's a hot pink bikini or a tarp. Go big (or small in this case) or go home. I looked DELISH last summer. Granted my last relationship was practically giving me chrones and the man I was seeing monitored every bite I took- but I'm thinking I can get back to my former Delish self in a somewhat-sensible way this time. But again- if you or someone you know have the 411 on where I can get horse pills....lemme know! :)
XOXO
JAC
Monday, March 22, 2010
Health Assurance
Votes have been cast. History has been made. And every one's pissed off on Facebook.
Yes it's clear the new health care reform just cannot please everyone. But it was about time for the President to stop asking around and just make it happen. And he did. And I am THRILLED.
Ya know, I just said to one of my friends, "97% of the people who are angry about this HAVE insurance". So in my little liberal minded opinion, they can't REALLY know or REALLY even care for that matter. You don't know what you've got til it's gone. I certainly didn't. And now as an uninsured, 20something woman living in America- I PRAY for the day I'll get to go see a Doctor again if I'm so inclined. Grateful as I am that this lack of ability to go for some years now has lead me to find great cures and assistance from Homeopathy and healers - I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't mind some amoxycillin once in a while! And does it scare the shit out of me that I can't get a mammogram even though I really should? SURE IT DOES but I try not to think about it! Would I love a dermatologist considering skin cancer runs in my family and the "cute beauty mark" I have on my leg could be killing me? You bet your ass but instead I'll opt for self tanner and a small prayer ceremony, "God wait until I have more than 500$ in my checking and then give me bad news".
For those of you who don't know- I will share with you. In 2007 I was attacked and it goes way beyond those words the awful things that happened to me. It was the beginning of summer and I was insured through my Mom and by being a full time college student. After my attack I required a little over a week of physical recovery. Thankfully my hospital stay and prescriptions were covered by insurance. When I returned to NYC I lasted all of a week before breaking down mentally. I called my best friend and my Mom and begged to come home. I hate the term, but I dropped out of college. I lost my health insurance. I left NYC in August of '07physically "ok" and deeply dangerously depressed. Through time I began to come around to the best of my own ability. But when I wanted to seek help I was unable. Is that fair? Well what's fair? Yes I made the call to drop out of college which was providing me with health coverage...but I could no longer walk down the street without thinking I saw my attacker. There were several occasions where I would "see" him, start sweating, panting and then vomit. I could not stand loud noises, if you "snuck up" on me as a joke- it took me about 2 hours to recover, I couldn't sleep , and I was afraid to be alone. My whole world was crashing around me. What should I have done? I don't know. But I came home and today I am glad I did. I was lucky enough last year to find a therapist who saw me on a "forgiveness" basis. Meaning I had a free appointment with her every week and she never took money from me. She said, "you need someone and I can help you. And so if you stop for coffee on your way, grab me one - if you write a book, give me a copy. Otherwise....no worries" This is rare I know, but I also know she saved me. She helped me go from someone who was running yellow lights hoping they'd get into an accident to someone who is so thankful for everything around me everyday. But I am lucky I found someone as wonderful for FREE. RARELY is that the case. Now , is that fair? To deny someone the chance to be well. To be whole? No, that's not fair. It's not right.
Listen- you don't get a CHOICE about insuring your car. And that's you CAR! Whats wrong with telling people that they HAVE to have insurance on their body....quite frankly this is one decision I don't mind the government making for me. Right on!
Last night while we were watching the 11pm news they read message board comments and one guy named David wrote something to the effect of, "I expect to pay more. As we all should expect to help ourselves and our neighbor" I wanted to find David and hug him. Because WOW, what an idea. Helping your fellow man. I KNOW we all have burdens to bare, and we have to watch out for ourselves and our families. But you give back too. And if you don't, you should. If this planet operated as more of a family than a world full of acquaintances and people only on the lookout for themselves...don't you think we'd be the better for it? I do.
XOXO
JAC
Yes it's clear the new health care reform just cannot please everyone. But it was about time for the President to stop asking around and just make it happen. And he did. And I am THRILLED.
Ya know, I just said to one of my friends, "97% of the people who are angry about this HAVE insurance". So in my little liberal minded opinion, they can't REALLY know or REALLY even care for that matter. You don't know what you've got til it's gone. I certainly didn't. And now as an uninsured, 20something woman living in America- I PRAY for the day I'll get to go see a Doctor again if I'm so inclined. Grateful as I am that this lack of ability to go for some years now has lead me to find great cures and assistance from Homeopathy and healers - I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't mind some amoxycillin once in a while! And does it scare the shit out of me that I can't get a mammogram even though I really should? SURE IT DOES but I try not to think about it! Would I love a dermatologist considering skin cancer runs in my family and the "cute beauty mark" I have on my leg could be killing me? You bet your ass but instead I'll opt for self tanner and a small prayer ceremony, "God wait until I have more than 500$ in my checking and then give me bad news".
For those of you who don't know- I will share with you. In 2007 I was attacked and it goes way beyond those words the awful things that happened to me. It was the beginning of summer and I was insured through my Mom and by being a full time college student. After my attack I required a little over a week of physical recovery. Thankfully my hospital stay and prescriptions were covered by insurance. When I returned to NYC I lasted all of a week before breaking down mentally. I called my best friend and my Mom and begged to come home. I hate the term, but I dropped out of college. I lost my health insurance. I left NYC in August of '07physically "ok" and deeply dangerously depressed. Through time I began to come around to the best of my own ability. But when I wanted to seek help I was unable. Is that fair? Well what's fair? Yes I made the call to drop out of college which was providing me with health coverage...but I could no longer walk down the street without thinking I saw my attacker. There were several occasions where I would "see" him, start sweating, panting and then vomit. I could not stand loud noises, if you "snuck up" on me as a joke- it took me about 2 hours to recover, I couldn't sleep , and I was afraid to be alone. My whole world was crashing around me. What should I have done? I don't know. But I came home and today I am glad I did. I was lucky enough last year to find a therapist who saw me on a "forgiveness" basis. Meaning I had a free appointment with her every week and she never took money from me. She said, "you need someone and I can help you. And so if you stop for coffee on your way, grab me one - if you write a book, give me a copy. Otherwise....no worries" This is rare I know, but I also know she saved me. She helped me go from someone who was running yellow lights hoping they'd get into an accident to someone who is so thankful for everything around me everyday. But I am lucky I found someone as wonderful for FREE. RARELY is that the case. Now , is that fair? To deny someone the chance to be well. To be whole? No, that's not fair. It's not right.
Listen- you don't get a CHOICE about insuring your car. And that's you CAR! Whats wrong with telling people that they HAVE to have insurance on their body....quite frankly this is one decision I don't mind the government making for me. Right on!
Last night while we were watching the 11pm news they read message board comments and one guy named David wrote something to the effect of, "I expect to pay more. As we all should expect to help ourselves and our neighbor" I wanted to find David and hug him. Because WOW, what an idea. Helping your fellow man. I KNOW we all have burdens to bare, and we have to watch out for ourselves and our families. But you give back too. And if you don't, you should. If this planet operated as more of a family than a world full of acquaintances and people only on the lookout for themselves...don't you think we'd be the better for it? I do.
XOXO
JAC
Friday, March 19, 2010
This Cat's an Asshole
Ahh unemployment. Home each day. Much needed beauty rest. Taking a little time to "enjoy The View" at 11am. Going to the gym -my new running mantra being, "you can't be FAT and marry the Track Coach"- they LOVE to hear me chant that one. Learning the joys of crock potting. Contimplating 50 easy ways to cook chicken. Learning lessons the hard way like- leaving defrosted chicken in the microwave (we put it in there so the cat can't get to it) for over 48 hours can lead to one awful smell. Organizing. Masturbating. Food Shopping. Not always in that order but you get the idea. I guess I'd become so focused on being A REAl Housegirlfriend of South Jersey, I had neglected Franki, my cat-my son. The former "man in my life". That was until Wednesday when I saw a black hole. His asshole.
My cats asshole was black as night. And I was beyond perplexed. Now picture it: my kitchen, in, "The Woo" as Mike Angelini calls our town. I am unpacking groceries -trying to throw all my stew ingredients in the crock- and my cat lays down to basque in the sunlight and THE BLACK ASSHOLE is out for all the world to see. "what the hell..." I said....I couldn't figure it out. Did he manage to break into the fireplace and only dip his asshole in the soot? I looked downstairs and our fireplace was still closed. Did he eat some petrfied wood which had escaped from the cinders and now passed the soot through his asshole? The Litter was clear, so no. Did he merely have a soot/asshole fetish? I STILL don't know. I only now his assholes white and fluffy again and I would just prefer it stay that way. Coaxing a cat so it will let you study it's asshole is no simple task and I'm fine with it if it's one I never have to complete again. This isn't one of those things your Mother prepares you for when she's telling you how to keep a house.
Back to this Housegirlfriend business. While I am pleased as punch to announce I was offered a job yesterday which I will begin this Summer- I am really enjoying keeping house. I'm not that great at it but I like it. I just f'ing hate vaccuming. Ugh. And the fact that it doesn't matter how many times I windex my stovetop (the actual oven- not the stuffing)it will inevitably have paw prints on it within 5 minutes. And now maybe even cat's black asshole prints. I'm in the midst of organizing our office. Which is , and well deservedly (is that even an f'ing word?) a shrine to Mark's many athletic undertakings and accomplishments. But I see now reason why "we" should limit a rooms potential and would like to cover any open nooks and panels with highlights from my theatrical career and the many headshots of Ann-Margret and George Michael. I also intend to spend a good portion of my future earnings at The Container Store and put those purchases to good use. But even just as it is- I LOVE our home. Mark's never made me feel like a guest. Or that I'm just passing through. Even our first "sleepover"- I had an overwhelming notion that this was where I belonged. I was thinking of this last night. Anytime I've thought of "going home" or "I want to be in my house" - I've in previous times thought only of my Mom's house. And while that will always be a home which is open to her children, this house- OUR house is my home. It's where my things are, where my heart is, where my love -THE love is. This life we've cultivated and continue to nurture is so lovely. And yes there are parts which are routine- around 11:13pm we take the big pillows out from the bottom of our pillow stacks and thrown them on our respective sides of the bed and flip the navy and white striped pillows to the top- I do this because that pillow is softer and the temperature is cooler/ I think Mark flips his because the gray and white checkered pillow he has is thicker and gives him more support- I play coy most times- I don't take ice and he knows this and I love that- he asks me almost everyday if I talked to my Mom. He will always make 3 parts to a dinner- So do I but at least one part is fucked up when I cook. These are things you can be sure of and I love that. Everything else is a big surprise and even the things at aren't ( I know he will be home by 2:45pm on a typical day and that time feels like Christmas morning everyday) are still wonderful everyday. When he plays guitar and sings it's the sweetest most romantic thing ever and I worship it. Yes folks , Heaven is right here in this house with a green roof. I never doubt that for a second.
~so listen~ I am gonna get going for now but it is my intention ( I know I say this a lot) to start updating at LEAST on a weekly basis. I swear it, on my Cat's asshole.
XOXO
JAC
My cats asshole was black as night. And I was beyond perplexed. Now picture it: my kitchen, in, "The Woo" as Mike Angelini calls our town. I am unpacking groceries -trying to throw all my stew ingredients in the crock- and my cat lays down to basque in the sunlight and THE BLACK ASSHOLE is out for all the world to see. "what the hell..." I said....I couldn't figure it out. Did he manage to break into the fireplace and only dip his asshole in the soot? I looked downstairs and our fireplace was still closed. Did he eat some petrfied wood which had escaped from the cinders and now passed the soot through his asshole? The Litter was clear, so no. Did he merely have a soot/asshole fetish? I STILL don't know. I only now his assholes white and fluffy again and I would just prefer it stay that way. Coaxing a cat so it will let you study it's asshole is no simple task and I'm fine with it if it's one I never have to complete again. This isn't one of those things your Mother prepares you for when she's telling you how to keep a house.
Back to this Housegirlfriend business. While I am pleased as punch to announce I was offered a job yesterday which I will begin this Summer- I am really enjoying keeping house. I'm not that great at it but I like it. I just f'ing hate vaccuming. Ugh. And the fact that it doesn't matter how many times I windex my stovetop (the actual oven- not the stuffing)it will inevitably have paw prints on it within 5 minutes. And now maybe even cat's black asshole prints. I'm in the midst of organizing our office. Which is , and well deservedly (is that even an f'ing word?) a shrine to Mark's many athletic undertakings and accomplishments. But I see now reason why "we" should limit a rooms potential and would like to cover any open nooks and panels with highlights from my theatrical career and the many headshots of Ann-Margret and George Michael. I also intend to spend a good portion of my future earnings at The Container Store and put those purchases to good use. But even just as it is- I LOVE our home. Mark's never made me feel like a guest. Or that I'm just passing through. Even our first "sleepover"- I had an overwhelming notion that this was where I belonged. I was thinking of this last night. Anytime I've thought of "going home" or "I want to be in my house" - I've in previous times thought only of my Mom's house. And while that will always be a home which is open to her children, this house- OUR house is my home. It's where my things are, where my heart is, where my love -THE love is. This life we've cultivated and continue to nurture is so lovely. And yes there are parts which are routine- around 11:13pm we take the big pillows out from the bottom of our pillow stacks and thrown them on our respective sides of the bed and flip the navy and white striped pillows to the top- I do this because that pillow is softer and the temperature is cooler/ I think Mark flips his because the gray and white checkered pillow he has is thicker and gives him more support- I play coy most times- I don't take ice and he knows this and I love that- he asks me almost everyday if I talked to my Mom. He will always make 3 parts to a dinner- So do I but at least one part is fucked up when I cook. These are things you can be sure of and I love that. Everything else is a big surprise and even the things at aren't ( I know he will be home by 2:45pm on a typical day and that time feels like Christmas morning everyday) are still wonderful everyday. When he plays guitar and sings it's the sweetest most romantic thing ever and I worship it. Yes folks , Heaven is right here in this house with a green roof. I never doubt that for a second.
~so listen~ I am gonna get going for now but it is my intention ( I know I say this a lot) to start updating at LEAST on a weekly basis. I swear it, on my Cat's asshole.
XOXO
JAC
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