"A Bottle a' White..." A WHOLE Bottle

Ok. CLEARLY I suck at updates.  In my defense...I don't like to update from my place of employment...as , clearly if the people I work for really knew the level of my insanity...they wouldn't let me look at their child let alone spend the entire week with her. Just Kidding. I am the best Nanny EVER. But it is true, I no longer update from work...and after KMK rehearsals I like to spend the hour before I go to bed with Rachel Zoe and my roomates and ice-ing down various body parts that have faced torment at the hands of Mark "Jerry Robbins" Lenard.

But today, thanks to the chosen people ( I hope to be one someday) I have time to update and eat eggs while they fast and take the kid to temple.  So SHALOM dear readers.  

Much has taken place since last we spoke and I was recreating scenes from "Death Becomes Her" on the stairs of The Ritz.  I had a rancid case of strep throat and living in our current world where I am uninsured and poor I had to take the "holistic" approach. Which actually I am THRILLED to do, but it would be nice to have the option to seek eastern medicine. Obama 08'.

ANYHOO.  So I depleted WHOLE FOODS and Wegmans of their Coldcalm supply. A drug which I now swear by. It literally knocked strep throat out of me. Astonishing.  SO I fell down stairs, I got strep and during the strep drama I decided I should try every homeopathic cure I can find online and thus we begin the tale of the neti nightmare.

I read somewhere that its not only helpful to gargle with apple cider vinegar but to neti pot with it as well. So I'm at home...an hour before rehearsal. It's a thursday night and I'm feeling like shit.  But I know after rehearsal I have the entire weekend to get myself better, or at least try to.  So I put water on to make tea for rehearsal and when its done I make said tea and I also rationalize (as only I could) that hotter water will kill more germs. PS everytime I now recount this story and say that outloud...I wonder how I could make that assumption.  All I can say is I was SO sick and felt SO awful I would've tried anything if I thought it would heal me. SO hotter water; more germs killed.  So I pour boiling hot water mixed with apple cider vinegar into my neti pot.....hunch over my sink.....and burn the shit out of my brain, my eyes and my senses.  I immediately felt like I was swimming in a sea of HELL. And no matter how hard I blew my nose I couldn't get that HEAT out of my head.  It was a nightmare. And I also begin to realize...oh, I can't SMELL OR TASTE ANYTHING. And I have to be at rehearsal in 15 minutes. SPLENDID. I get there. No makeup. Snot falling. Eyes puffy. Bruce takes me aside to console what he assumes is a breakdown over the whole Marc break up. To which I reply, "No I dont give a SHIT about Marc...I'm sick. and I BURNT my nose!".

Having JUST regained my taste and smell this week , I can now look back and laugh but last week and the week before....I kept thinking all the things I may never experience again. Like can you IMAGINE not being able to know what you smell like. Or taste food??? It was awful. One of my favorite indulgences in perfume...and I couldn't smell. It was so depressing. But it's over now.

NEXT.

So eventually I got over my sickness. My bruises from falling are almost completely gone. I can smell and taste.  And on Tuesday, Nat  our , "guest artist" arrived. And he is divine.  It means a lot to me to be working with someone I've admired for so long....I've never really been in this situation before but I do know that it could've gone a number of different ways. THANKFULLY he is lovely, hilarious, talented and looks great in a pirate boot. Who could ask for ANYTHING MORRRRRRRRRE!

And the great news is...

The new season of The Real Housewives just started.  This "kim" character...is a f*ckin half wit. And I love her.

Stay Tuned...