A Lotta Livn' To Do

I'm Baaaack.  I think.  

The family I nanny for has moved to suburbia.  A rather happy situation concerning that my commute in the morning is now about 7 minutes door to door and does not involve a crowded train; but also rather a predicament considering about an hour after I arrive for a day of suburban mothering to a toddler, I start to feel VERY Plath-like. Sylvia Plath. Just wanna make sure we're all together.  They won't have television until after Monday.  While I realize there's plenty o' things I could and SHOULD do with my time other than TV.....I find most of it takes me to a bad place.  The place we shall call, "the "quiet" in my mind".  Only, it's not very quiet...it's LOUD in there. 

 I tried reading.  Bergdorf Blondes, by Plum Sykes.  But its so superficial.  I know. I can't believe I just said that either.  But it is.  And all the "PH" (which is good ol' Plums abreva (no not the herpes stuff) for "Prospective Husband"), Manolos, and talk of pills and started to give me a panic attack the other day.    As I read how the lead character was about to off herself with an advil overdose I considered, "hey , maybe she's onto something.  and I am awful tired".  It was then that I put the book down and took the kid for a walk.  Even if I wasn't a 100% committed to the idea, I was still half crazy but half lucid to know that considering my own demise in any capacity meant a change was needed.  

I felt like I was drowning.  And as much as there were, in my mind, "a million reasons" there were really....I don't know, NONE.  Maybe 2 if I really wanted to get down to brass tacks but really...no.    So rather than expecting deception and dissapointment from everyone and everything in my life, I'm making an effort to believe in and expect truth and happiness.  Which is easier said than done when your boyfriend is 45 minutes away and you can't see him because you're playing a 4 year old who is basically space filler and psycho babble :)  But that's life.

Speaking of.  We open, "You're a Good Man Charlie Brown" tomorrow....a labor of love and quite frankly I've never seen my friends so devoted to something and working so hard on something ever.  I however have never felt quite so random in my life.  And while , yes I know, this is the very role which earned Kristin Chenoweth her Tony, she must've been doing meth and Marc Kudisch must've been acting as a dramaturg during their little "engagement" because I'm just in my own little world of confusion.  I feel out of place, and often think they should've cast the two year old child I watch everyday.  She IS Sally Brown.  I on the other hand feel like the only person wearing a one piece at a nude beach.  But I'm amongst friends.  The Dog's easy on the eyes.  And I belt a lot.

In other news...I feel I can now say that I am a true stick shift driver.  I have pretty much mastered neutral to first (which for those of you who don't know- is what you need to do to get started at any stop/go point) and I was having HUGE issues going from 2nd to 3rd which - ha- is a bit of a necessity but Mark sorted it out yesterday and realized my car is a little different than his and you have to go a bit further right into 3rd.  I know no one cares but this realization has made my life a lot easier and has made the roads safer for all of you. So , CARE MORE!

I'm currently in rehearsals for Midsummer Nights Musical as well and it's so fun because , again, it's just a bunch of people I LOVE thrown into a room.  And we sing. And we laugh.  And Kim and I do our best not to look at each other and set the other one off.   We really need to put Nat Chandler's picture back up on the wall though...it just feels wrong without it.  Like, if Rick Astley played a concert and didn't sing, "Never Gonna Give You UP"....just wrong.

I joined Twitter today.  I tweet now.  I think it's stupid. And frankly I don't know why I've been updating it when it's obvious to me that the people I've decided to "follow" on there,( which include a Real Housewife of NYC, Gavin Newsom, and Whole Foods) probably don't give a shit that I had mixed feelings on the L Word series finale.  Yet, I continue to tweet.  I mean if for no other reason than to hear my phone make pretty noises with updates.  Mark gave me an I Phone and it's like crack.  I no longer find myself wanting to bite Erica's fingers off for being a blackberry whore because...I get it now.  The world is literally, SADLY at my fingertips.  The moment Mark gave it to me it was clear he'd made a mistake....I was checking email, checking weather, checking Perez....checking STOCKS.  Mark just said, "I think I just lost my girlfriend"  "Honey, NO! :head burried in typing in banking information:...I can BANK from my PHONE!"

It's just bad all around.  The good news though, is that I can't talk on the phone or text while driving anymore....stick robs you of that option.  It's sad.

Before I end....allow me to enlighten you with one of my favorite moments learning to drive stick.  This was in the early stages, and is a phone call made in urgency to Brian Rivell's cell phone.

Brian: Hi There (slightly kind, slightly , "why are you calling my cell when I'm at work")

Jaclyn: Hi. How do I get this car to stop rolling?

Brian: :laughing: WHAT!?!

Jaclyn: No SERIOUSLY! IT'S ROLLING!

Brian: OK OK...clutch. break. neutral. parking break.

Jaclyn: NO ..WAIT... oh ok. Thanks, bye.

Brian: Bye

XOXO JAC