I have serious issues when it comes to going out.
Being a 20-something with limited funds I get slightly nervous about going somewhere new (I'm literally ashamed of myself typing this right now) and spending money and then the overwhelming disdain I will feel about life in general when I inevitably end up hating it.
I get the same way about new foods in restaurants. I know...I hate myself even more than you possibly could. Believe me. Oddly enough (well its not that odd) ...when someone else is payin' I would feel too much of a douche to turn down something new and inevitably end up LOVING the new thing I try.
Moral of the story.....Money can buy you an eclectic cheese plate....and you might love it. But if it's your money buying the cheese plate, you might hate it and miss out on a really great pair of shoes. But moving on.
So back to my issues with going out...my friends Melissa (first shout out), Dann, and Josh wanted to go "out". In sojo this means...."go to Philly"...in Gay SoJo this means "go to philly and go to Tavern on Camac" . Tavern is lovely. If you're in the right mind frame. I am not.
I could not have spent my evening surrounded by the gorgeous gays and their LOVAHS, being judged solely on the evening gown portion of the pageant and never making it to my "talent" because some fabulous boy named Stephen, or Keith or Todd or what have you, had to sing "Pretty Women". Couldn't do it. Wouldn't want to. Not when I have a finished basement and Me and My Shadows: Life With Judy Garland on DVD. And so I suggested they come over here...and the hilarity that ensued was epic.
Firstly....there's the selection of the DVD. I suggested we go about the way I would were I babysitting. Everyone pics a couple DVD's and I'll choose which one I like best because my opinion counts the most and then I'll put them behind my back (having memorized where the one I want is) and choose the one we watch. We went through the DVD's.....Mommie Dearest, definite possibility. Basic Instinct, what is it with gays and wanting to see a vagina? Guffman....it was bound to come along. Judy Garland, "PULL IT" we all shouted. Judy won, by a LANDSLIDE. Perhaps the only thing that could've beaten her out was Liza in Faerie Tale Theatre's Princess and the Pea (also starring Al's great Aunt)...but Faerie Tale Theatre was vetoed by Dann. Might as well just overturn Roe v. Wade, DANN!
So we watched Judy, AS Judy. GENIUS. Josh lied and told Melissa Judy Garlands father was dying of AIDS....in 1923. Hmmm. Melissa was drunk , so she cried. Dann was in a corner recreating the choreography to "Skimmbleshanks" (no one tells you how badly these actors suffer after the CATS tour ends) because apparently that is the 'cat' Franki most resembles.
And Josh interrupted my cat's bowel movement (SO not ok with me) in an effort to hold him.
And....I pissed myself on the treadmill during a photo shoot. You heard me.
All in all....it had to be one of the most satisfying Saturdays I've had in recent MEMMMMMMORYYYY. Anyone? Yea. Thats right.
Stay Tuned.
Jac
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