Well....here she is BOYS! Here she is WORLD!......It's my real blog. Bloggity blog blog!
It's so exciting.....between the New Kids having the number one album in Canada and learning how to use a french press...I am just beside myself...
But lets get down to brass tacks.
Welcome to my official blog.....you will now be able to tune in whenever and read all about this bitch, without selling your soul to Myspace thereby opening yourself up to shitty bands, bulletins and 18 year old russian prostitutes. I happen to enjoy shitty bands, bulletins, and 18 year old russian prostitutes (takes me back to Freshman year) but I realize I have to reach out to a wider audience...and I'm all about that. Here at, "It's Not Me, It's You" you will learn about my fondness for grocery stores as a means to a bowel movement, how I truely believe I will one day find love in the arms of George Michael, (you say," impossible" but I feel that word much more clearly defines my present relationship...and the only things holding us back is emotional unavailability... so where George is concerned... Gayness means nothing to me) You'll experience me "spelling", 'segway' ...every which way but the RIGHT way. And probably find out more about Priscilla Presley and Ann-Margret than you thought you ever needed to know. I also hope to recommend music, food, and books to you all....almost as if I am pretentious enough to promote my own "brand"....though clearly I lack the funds to afford skim milk, let alone anything that would consist of a , "BRAND". So throw on a full length gown and some fuzzy slippers ...(well that's what I'm wearin') and join me!
And now....an evening with Dana Fuchs
We begin on a dreary Friday....September 12, 2008. My idol, Dana Fuchs, of The Dana Fuchs Band was slated to make a return to Philadelphia at The World Cafe. btw.. Long story short (until I learn how to post links to past myspace blogs) I know Dana's Guitarist/writing partner/producer/best friend: Jon. Jon and I both really love the song, "Horse With No Name"...and we're perverts ..and so a friendship was formed. I have friends who loved Dana...then I loved Dana too. Then we met Dana and Dana loved me. And now I lived in a world where all I listen to is Dana Fuchs ...and I questioned why my Mother didn't name me something that started with the letter , "D" and I constantly ask God to make me 6ft tall, and he responds by giving me a bigger ass and smaller tits. But the point is... somewhere along the way I have become lucky enough to call Dana a friend and so , we all love her and when she's in Philly my whole day feels like there's an underscore of , "I Go to Rio" playing. So Friday she was playing in Philly...no joke we'd had our tickets for 4 months. I had had quite a shiteous week so I just wanted to worship at the church of Fuchs and let my troubles wash away.
As always I had a fabulous outfit planned. A high-waisted pencil skirt...tube top (don't knock it til ya rock it) and patent leather black stilettos. Sadly, Mother Nature was over that ensemble and so it was jeans, said tube top, fabulous jewels and my zebra flats...even though Jon has told me he , "hates flats" and that they are for "coolies and hospital workers"...whatever that means. Though we were running late , somehow I instinctively new we'd make it there on time...that's actually a lie....I was terrified and felt like I had just taken 5 ALLI and eaten a Big Mac from the fear that we'd miss Dana's first number. But we made it. We met Jaimie and John and Luke (who looked beautiful in his tankini...little joke) and we all grabbed our seats and promptly ordered cocktails. I was just so excited....
Anytime you go to see The DFB...you're not just going to see a concert...you're going to have an experience. Joanne says it is COMPLETE and total performance art. I mean...Dana is the closest that our generation will ever be able to come to any sort of a "woodstock" type of experience. Not only within the content of her own music...but what she has to offer in terms of thoughts on love, politics, life in general....it's relevant , beautiful and if you open yourself up to the experience, then like myself you can't help but be moved and maybe even a little changed by the time the show was over. I had the same experience at George Michael but that seems like it should go without saying. Anyhoo....last night was no exception. I was proud but not at all suprised to see they had PACKED the world cafe downstairs and when I saw Jon run out to gather the wine and shots ...I knew it was SHOWTIME.
Dana opened with , "Not For Me"...an original, I believe, as when I googled "not for me lyrics" all I got was Backstreet Boys and I don't think Dana covers their repetoire. Anyhoo...opened with , "Not for Me" which I LOVVVVVVE. Then, as always, "Almost Home"...and clearly the entire time I'm doing my belterific , "WOOT WOOT" and as the band's riffing for the next song I "woot" 'd (Jaimie claims she did too , but like Princess Amneris, I know the truth) and Dana said, "...ah, Jaclyn's here!"....:I died a little: "Ya know we don't have many friends in Philly but we do have our friend, Jaclyn" :threw up in my mouth and started sweating like a farm animal: "So this song is for Jaclyn, it's called Lonely for a Lifetime" :swallow throw up and basque in the joy...and the irony. After that I could not stay in my seat...and though I had promised myself to keep the dancing to a minimum so that I wouldn't sweat through my clothes as per usual...I couldn't help it. When Jaimie and John came up to dance with me...I was just totally complete. Dana played , "Songbird"...Al's favorite song, and I was just so thrilled he was getting to experience it live...and Joanne was getting , "fuched" for the first time...and LOVING it like we knew she would. My whole world was like one big Kylie Minogue video; it was all so fabulous! Clearly no DFB concert would be complete without ...the ballad of Jon and Dana, "Misery"......combine my own personal drama with Dana's opening storyline and 2 Tanqueray and Tonics and you had a recipe for tears. But it was cathartic to say the least. I'm just glad I'm not a cutter.....yet.
The band started playing a fan favorite, "drive"....its not on my ipod so although I know it, I don't know it. But that doesn't mean I don't LOVE it. Dana was recalling the tale of an angry cabby which is how the song came about...Dana encouraged all of us that before we get mad at someone, just, "imagine them as a two year old baby....cuz' you wouldn't stab a 2 yr old baby...well I might...I love stabbing two year old babies!" :CRICKETS:.......CLEARLY Philly doesn't get the, "stabbing baby" humor. Although, John, Jaimie and I were all hysterics. Oh well.
During "drive" they segwayed (see) into "Papa Was a Rollin Stone".....now let me relay to you that I KNOW of this song but my Mother the disco diva singing super sensation never took the time to teach me this little diddy, though I did know the entire repetoire of the Manhattan Transfer by the time I was 6 years old but I digress.....BUT. I SHOULD know this song for a few reasons....one...Dana knows it. Two, George does a cover of it. And THREE the lyrics say, "it was the 3rd of september..." HELLO! My BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! and the most important reason????? Dana called me ONSTAGE TO SING IT!!
Yes, let me repeat myself. DANA FUCHS....ASKED ME....JACLYN KAY to JOIN HER ONSTAGE TO SING!!!
Now...this is no small task. No one sings like Dana. No one can. and I am a foot shorter than she is and I can't play the cowbell....yet I watched myself (I believe my spirit floated up out of my body and onstage and that's who performed with Dana...because it was so out of body and I, in a normal frame of mind would not have just run up a flight of stairs (I hate stairs) to sing with a rock star) run up the stairs and on to the stage. Dana told me to grab Jon's mic (it was so weird because that's exactly what she always says in my dream) and we just went nuts. WE just riffed it up. I didn't know the words but by the 5th time around I got it...and let out a rock n' roll scream the likes of which I didn't know were in me. It was remarkable to me what was going on between us....to just look at Dana and that she was trusting me, and my talent...it was overwhelming. This will sound strange....slightly creepy...but I mean it sincerely...I honestly daydreamed about that moment all the time...but NEVER did I think it would happen and that's fine. Dana's concert is JUST THAT , DANA's concert , and that she would share her moment with me like that...it's a testament to her generosity as a performer and as a person....what it meant for me, and what it did for my heart and my passion ....I don't know that I'll ever be able to REALLY explain that. It was just magical. AND! She let me use her cherry red tambourine and I've got the bruises to prove it! I wish they would never go away...even-though my right wrist looks like a dark moment out of a LIFETIME movie.
As if making my wildest dreams come true wasn't enough, (honestly short of paying off my student-loans, what more could the woman have done) Dana then sang her famous cover of, "I'd Rather Go Blind" ....which is one of my favorite songs that the band does....obviously because of the soul Dana grinds into it but Jon also plays the most sensational guitar solo ever. TRUELY. You will never hear anything that will rival that solo. Just literally brings me to my knees everytime.
So then I believe they played.....actually I don't remember the last thing they played...I was really out of it (If anyone's dying to know I can go check the set list I swipped). But I DO KNOW that the crowd was not letting them leave just yet and clearly they encored with , "Helter Skelter". What a moment....the band, sans Dana, came back out and Jon started on that guitar...I wanted to rip my clothes off and swim in a bowl of chocolate milk because it was creamy. Dana came back out and ripped it apart. And ended with a back bend that lead me to believe she just might make it to the next Olympics. It was unreal.
After the concert we just stood on the side and hung out waiting to say goodbye to Dana. Jon came over grinning like Palin at a NRA rally and said, "so how was that"......I was just in a HAZE. I felt like I had just had sex with George Michael and ate a bowl of ice cream in egyptian cotton sheets. MADNESS. We chatted it up with Jon and worshiped him like the guitar god he is and he was a doll as usual...OH! I almost forgot. I HAVE FANS! A 10 year old girl came galavanting over to me and yelled for my autograph...I wanted to adopt her and carry her on my waist in a pashmina. She had me autograph a program but then also her LEATHER ipod carrying case...I mean, leather and sharpie...that's a done deal. That ain't comin' off, so I said, "Sweetie are you sure!? It's LEATHER!!!!" But she wanted me to SIGN IT! I just hugged her and told her she made my day. Person after person just kept coming up to me and saying the nicest things to me. They wanted to know where I performed....where they could come see me....I was just ...I don't even know. A MESS. People were so kind and I was just moved beyond belief.
When we finally got to talk to Dana I just wanted to hang on her like a baby koala....I didn't know how to express my gratitude(not that I felt baby koala-dom would suffice but you know). I just kept telling her (probably about 300 times because I was drunk) that I had had the worst week and she took me out of it for a few hours and made me sublimely happy. (clueless..anyone? anyone?) As always she was genuine, generous, and kind beyond measure. She even signed Luke's nipple. And promised to write me an outline on how to manipulate an insecure man. Bless her heart.
Yet again....expectations were FAR exceeded....dreams came true, friendships were stronger than ever and for a few hours....there was nothing wrong in the world. I literally wish they would play Philly once a week. But I'll take what I can get. And thanks to Dana I feel so very inspired and open to possibilities on all fronts.
Stay Tuned
Jac
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