WHY is it...just when you decide you are over something...or someONE rather, there they be!
Tuesday I had officially decided , Barack's in the White House...time for a CHANGE all over. I decided to be DONE. DONE. DONE, with Peter. Peter is a doll. VERY nice, has not- for the record- done anything cruel or anything it's just...ehhhhh. "He was the equivalent of a DKNY dress, you know it's not your style but you try it on anyway" ~Carrie Bradshaw. He's super sweet. We do get along great. But.......I don't feel any longing for him or anything. And this could just be a lack of chemistry or as I've repeatedly stated....it's quite difficult to care for someone if you don't spend enough time together to get to know him.
Obviously you can guess....Peter and I haven't exactly been spending a ton of time together. Nor do I know that for either of us it's a priority to, though out of the two of us I would say it's more a priority for me and I'm over that. So Tuesday I made up my mind to be done with it. No hard feelings but if you can't find the time to call me back , I can't find the time to stress over it. So Tuesday came and went and I TRUELY was just completely over it. And fine. NO harm done. "There is nothing lost". So I'm onstage last night and I come back to get ready for act two, check on my phone to see that I have a missed call and voicemail....since the only people who call me these days are women, men with life partners, and collection agents, I just assumed it was no biggie. Check to see: It's Peter. He left a voicemail saying he was "SO sorry" he hadn't gotten back to me and "PLEASE" accept his apology. BLAH. I called back, no answer and he didn't return my call until today. Then he came over with lunch and I was too chicken shit to bring up how his bull shit excuses didn't matter to me and if we're not going to communicate then this really isn't worth my time. So I basically contradicted the HELL out of myself with my deafening silence. I am a douche. But....it's not like we're exclusive. It's not like we're going to the Governor's ball....there's no deadline or anything. I just don't CARE enough to worry. If we hang out again, lovely. If not. I guess I'll have more time to watch re-runs of Designing Women.
I'd like to think I have a lot to offer someone else. But I HARDLY want to offer that to just anyone. I don't want to spend my time being with just anybody. Monogamy is not a grand ol' time...unless it's with the absolute right person for you. Sadly, I would like to spend that time with a person in "the big house"...."but that's another story, nevermind, anyway....."
Anyhoo...on with a recap of my most recent events.
I was Rosie the Riveter for Halloween. Apparently I was confused for the following: Harriet Tubman, Myself, and Bette Midler. Charming. I happen to think I looked adorable. Bubby Ellen came to see the show with Zadie Roger (these are my ficticious jewish grandparents....well they in fact are real but they're not really my grandparents. I just pretend. Like I pretend I won't die alone.
Ellen loved the show and said I was "tiny" and "skinny" because Grandmothers lie and that's why we love them. Bubby Ellen was the Ritz's ORIGINAL Lois Lane and I felt so relieved and happy that she loved my performance as much as she did. It was an honor. I imagine it's what Stephanie J. Block felt when she met Liza Minelli during "Boy From Oz".
Brian and I decided to hate eachother for about 72hours with a deep lovers quarrel which included screaming, tears, kissing on the CHEEK in Bianca (he says I turned my head, I said he was deliberate) and emails emails emails. We're over it now and have decided to join forces and collectively hate other people. It's funner.
Monday Erica and I piled in the ol Liberal Fast Food Band Wagon to make two stops on a tour f Philadelphia. The first to drop off Alicia's car for a tune up , the second, to visit my ex boyfriend in Jail. One of these things is not like the other......
This was the first time I'd ever been to visit him in jail. Because visiting someone I love in jail is not exactly something I like to make a habit of. Anyhow. When you do visit you have to sign in by 4:30 pm. Mind you, inmates get a specific visiting day according to last name. Brians (not Rivell) is Monday. BTW Philadelphia Office of Corrections....I have a life and it's difficult to make , "arrive at prison by 4:30" apart of my list of "to do's " ...thankfully I had off. I picked Erica up from school and off we went to prison. But first, the car. We got lost trying to find the mechanic for Alicias car , so for the sake of time we decided to give up on dropping of the car for the moment and head towards the jail. But we got lost trying to get there too. At 4:20 I decided we should ask for directions. At the ZOO. The Zoo. Where children's dreams come true. The ZOO where bear cubs nuzzle their mamas and ape's sign , "I love you". The Zoo , where Jaclyn pulled up, rolled down the window and shouted, "Excuse me, HOW DO I GET TO THE PRISON!?!"....thankfully (though im not surprised) someone on staff knew exactly how.
At 4:32 we arrived in the parking lot. We were at the Prison by 4:40. And the bastards wouldn't let us in. Debate as we may. And cry as I did. They would NOT let us in. It was awful. I kept imagining Brian relying the SOMEONE would be in the visit him and NO ONE showed. I felt awful. Thankfully a nice warden informed us we could come back any day even if it wasn't his assigned day and visit, we just wouldn't have the usual amount of time. So we left feeling a bit better. FINALLY found the car dealership and ate our feelings at a Burger King which seemed to be in full support of Barack Obama. So we felt more justified in eating our feelings.
We got home and packed our bags to head to the shore for the night like your average same sex couple.
Once in Avalon we bought more food at WaWa where a particularly bitter checkout boy named, Jackson who was brewing his own tea in some sort of strange mug had his SUNGLASSES on at 11:30 at night. I told him he resembled Rick Ocasek and he decided to then take out what I believe is YEARS of pent up sexual and emotional frustration out on me and scream "fuck" several times. Poor Jackson. We could've been SO happy together.
We continued to take in the shore breeze and unpacked the jeep soothed by the sounds of the sea...Erica walks in and sets off the alarm. I would've helped her turn it off but I had already begun to eat my shortie. So instead I asked her if she wanted my pickles. Once the alarm was disarmed we spooned on the couch with a bag of HERRS and watched an especially supreme episode of INTERVENTION about a charming young girl who resembled Templeton from Charlotte's Web who was huffing on Dust Cleaner. Erica was disturbed but I loved it. I also explained to Erica that one day when I have health insurance again I plan to develop some sort of addiction so I can fall apart and go to rehab. Erica quipped, "but Jac if it was on your insurance it would only be 28 days, "....actually first she told me I was insane, and then the other thing, and I said, "That's fine, its 28 days more than I had to myself."
We finished INTERVENTION, got into a facebook messenger political war with some republican pig I went to high school with, took baths in the jacuzzi, then went to bed.
We woke up early so Erica could vote in Avalon. I had a war with the old bitties who told me I couldn't wear my "Shalom Obama" and "Women for Obama" pins inside but allowed some Granny with a McCain sticker to stroll around the gym for 20 minutes. Then I VOTED for the first time! It was MAGIC! Then we had eggs at Medford Bagel...then we saw people we knew and had to flee. And it was on our way to jail we went.
After waiting for two hours, making friends with women who were there to see , "my babies daddy" and a young angry girl named Jules who kept screaming at me, "Don't let him see you cry he'll; know he got to you" (thanks Jules) we finally got called in to see Brian. I lost my shit several times but considerably so when I discovered Brian was in , "the hole" because he was in a fight and broke his hand, and now we would have to talk through plexi glass like American Gigolo. I pulled myself together and was so overwhelmed with a beautiful calm and an enduring love to see him. We had a really wonderful visit and I was so happy we went.
OK,I have to go shower and eat because I'm so hyped up on caffeine I can't really type anymore.
And Mom's taking me for dinner because I called and made her feel guilty. Because that's what children do. Maybe tonight Peter will ask me to come over for a glass of wine and to look at eachother and not talk about our feelings. Won't that be fun?!
Stay Tuned
XOXO
JAC
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